Excuses, Excuses!

I’m admittedly an excuse giver. Yup, true story. You see, I realized this “issue” when Graysie was about 3 years old. I caught myself telling someone that I was overweight because I’d “just” had a baby. Keep in mind, Graysie was 3......oh, AND (minor detail)....... she was adopted! Looking back, I suppose the only person I had fooled was myself. However, it did work, for awhile. You see, it was just way too hard for me to admit that I was eating like crap and didn’t do anything that might constitute as exercise. As embarrassing as it is now, I honestly have to say that I told dozens of people without so much as a blink of the eye that I had “just” had a baby. When I finally confronted myself with the fact that this was just too absurd to say anymore, the sarcasm began. I then went on for years cracking jokes about how I had “just” had a baby because Kayela (who was also adopted) was just entering 3rd grade, duh! It wasn’t until I had lost 25pounds a few pounds that I could finally say out loud how ridiculous my excuse was. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was way to humiliated to say that I liked complaining about my weight; but I certainly didn’t want to change my lifestyle to get me back in shape. 

 This isn’t the only excuse I rode the wave of for far past its prime either. No, when trying to cover up my OCD ways I often would (and still may sometimes) say that “ I just feel like the kids are so much more at peace in a clean environment.” The reality of that one, I like it clean! I like to know where things are, I like to feel like I am in control of a little something in this world, and I feel like if something is out of place that I am a terrible homemaker. It isn’t about the kids at all, but who wants to admit that you are selfish and looking out for number one while making everyone else miserable in the process? Certainly not me! Yet, I still do it and it is a habit that may have subsided a little, but not fully. If I were not an excuse maker, I suppose I would just admit that I don’t really care if having a clean house isn’t conducive to living with ten kids. I’m sure I would be able to say proudly that I am in charge and I get to make the rules in my home, and for those who don’t like it, they can do it however they want when they are in their own homes. Will I ever change my OCD ways? Doubt it, because my dad was OCD....(another excuse brewing that I have used as a crutch for 30 something years for many things not related to cleanliness) ......most likely no, not ever. 

 My most recent excuses consist of “I’ve just gone through a hard divorce”, “I just got engaged”, “I am in the middle of planning a wedding”, “We are trying hard to blend a family”, “I am the mother of ten kids”, “She/He is one of ten”, “We just got married”, “We just got divorced”, “because of my past.....”, “because of his past......”, These are just a few of the many I throw out there on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t lie, it’s all truth but is it the real underlying “reason” in said situation....maybe not. Right now I feel like they are legitimate excuses, perhaps someday they will be the brunt of my sarcastic jokes.

Being an excuse giver hasn’t served me well in my personal relationships. That is why, I continue to be hurt over and over again by the same people. Instead of me saying “hey, that really made me feel terrible” I vent to Chad about how “pissed” I am. The reality is, I’m not pissed, I’m defeated, rejected and hurt. I continue to try to “prove” myself to one person in particular. This person is someone I go out of my way to assure that I am on her team, that I care about her well-being, that I won’t bail on her like so many others who should have taken responsibility have. I am there when she needs someone to listen, I am there to provide a stable environment, I am there to defend her and to protect her. I’m there for the tough stuff too, like wash your hands, shower daily, show respect, be appreciative and let me fix your hair. I’m there to say you’re good enough, you are worthy to live your future dream, you can count on me, and that you are fully capable of more than you give yourself credit. I don’t always handle things perfectly, I can admit that. Although, to say I am “pissed” is a lame excuse. Reality is, I fear that my best will never amount to anything. I fear that she will never realize how much I was devoted to her and her well-being. I’m sad just imagining that her constant strong arm against a great bond will indeed effect our long term relationship. I hate to think that I will, no matter how much effort I put in, forever be thought of as someone who stomped on her parade. I am unsettled at the progress so far, to say the least. As much as I am completely rejected and disrespected over and over again, I am determined, and I won’t give any excuses for that. The bottom line truth is, I am hurt. I don’t know why that is so hard for me to say. I guess I’d rather be portrayed as being “angry” than being “weak” so it’s easier to say “I’m so pissed.” Seems a bit psychotic, but if I am psychotic it’s only because.....Oh, never-mind! 

Perhaps if I were to be honest with Chad and the way I feel after this person has said or done the things that cut deep, we could figure out a way to move forward in a positive way. Today, we just had another situation where I said I was “pissed” when I really should have said “to be ignored for four days is hurtful to me” and “I’m trying so hard and yet I am still totally disrespected” and “can you defend me, because when you don’t I feel like you don’t respect me either.” I can’t blame Chad at all for how the situation was handled when I have covered up the reality with some goofy excuse (I still think he should read minds because he is pretty amazing like that!) Maybe giving an excuse hasn’t served me well in this situation. I honestly can’t think of a situation where it has served me well, but it really hasn’t in this one. The excuse thing is pretty common for our society and I am not blind to that or going to beat myself up too badly over it. I am sure it will always be a part of who I am, however, I’m going to work towards being more aware of the underlying feelings in each situation. (That isn’t to be read as “I will be a blubbering crying fool”) I’m going to focus on not reacting. Instead, when it’s important, I need to give things some real thought so I can express my fears instead of covering them up. I need to let down my guard a bit. Only then can I fully overcome all that life throws my way. Just don’t be too shocked when I’m using “I just got married” for the next 30 years or so!

EVERYTHING EMMA

Emma was born 4 weeks early in the middle of November. When she arrived, she was nothing I had thought she would be, and yet she was more perfect than I imagined. Her hair was so long that when we left the hospital she wore pigtails. The nurses commented that she had already had highlights done because her hair was beautiful. Emma had the same great big blue eyes that she still has, and they stood out like no other feature. Her tiny little birth mark on her back, her long arms and her skinny body made these parents proud!

When Emma was a few months old, we left her with my mom for the first time. Emma, who never cried and was so totally laid back, bawled her head off the entire time we were gone. I’d call to check in and my mom would hand her over to my grandmother and run in the back room to be sure Josh and I couldn’t hear her. When we got back home my mom told us that she had cried, and I was shocked. As we talked, I remember my mom saying “she just acted like she knew what was going on, but she’s much too young to be doing that!” We should have known then that we were in for a great ride with this one!

As Emma got older, she continued on that same journey. Emma always seemed to socially know what was going on. When Emma was a year old she talked in full sentences. When she was fifteen months she told me she needed to use the potty, I put her off until she turned seventeen months then she got big girl panties and never had an accident....EVER! When she was not even two years old I had gotten distracted while she was in time out and felt horrible. When I apologized to her, she said “that’s ok mommy, I was just counting!” and then proceeded to count to twenty.......I didn’t know she could count past three. When Emma went to Kindergarten, everyday she would come home with story after story about the “kids”, referring to the kids in her class as though she was a T.A. Somehow, Emma came into this world with a social awareness far beyond her years. Fortunately for Josh and I, Emma has been an extremely easy child to parent. Actually, quite often, I say she is a better parent than I could ever be. This girl has taught me so many things about life.

During our darkest days Emma has come through like I am not sure many adults could have. As I already said in a previous post, Emma adores her dad and only wants for him what will make him truly happy and fulfilled. I am not sure many thirteen year old girls would have that same unselfish desire. The first sentence out of Emma’s mouth when we sat her down to basically let her know that her whole world would be turned upside down was “There’s a time when we each need to rise to the occasion and love someone for who they really are. I guess now’s my time to shine!” Was I shocked? No, it’s Emma. Was I proud? Absolutely.

Over the past year Emma and I, Emma and Josh and all three of us together have had some amazing conversations. Emma never ceases to amaze this momma! One of my favorite conversations with Emma was one evening not too long ago. I could tell she was wanting to talk so we sat down in my bedroom and I just started asking her questions. One thing lead to another when I asked her “Well, if you were in your dads situation what is it you would do?” Here is what Emma said (paraphrasing of course):

“Mom, remember when I was really little and I had dug in the plants? Remember how I had dirt all over my hands? Remember how you asked me so many times if I had done it, and remember how I told you no? Remember how I told you I had dirt on my hands only because I wanted to help you, so I tried to clean it up? Mom, remember how you said that you knew I wouldn’t lie so that you believed me? Remember how I went to bed that night, and as you were tucking me in, I ended up telling you I had really been the one to dig in the plant? I knew I had lied to you, I knew you believed me, I knew you told people on the phone how nice I was to help you clean it up, and that feeling was horrible. Mom, I think that’s how dad has felt for all these years. Like he’s holding back the truth. Mom, I couldn’t make it a day. I want him to live his truth”

Now, I am not a crier, but I still can’t even type those words and not have tears streaming down my face.

That was just one story, although in Emma fashion, she has encouraged us through in so many other times with these words:

• “I think dad thinks it’s like the olden days when you’d be stoned to death for being gay. It’s not, he’s going to be ok”
• “It’s going to be great to have three dads someday, especially if two of them are like dad and can keep me fashionable”
• “What? I’ll still only get one gift from y’all? Man, the best benefit of divorced parents and y’all are holding out on me!”
• “I love that our family is different”
• “You are more in love than I’ve ever seen my friends parents be, there’s no way anyone can make that a bad thing”
• “I love dad. No one else I know has a dad who talks to them like he talks to us”

Couldn’t begin to list them all either.

Rockstar, isn’t she? Not even some of the adults in our life can love Josh like that, and this doesn’t even come close to affecting them the way it affects that girl of ours. She is loving and grace filled and I am proud to be her mom! I know that someday she is going to change lives, change minds and change attitudes. I am honored to have a ticket to her show. I’ll be the one in the front row applauding her every effort.

Louie, you are the best and we are so proud to be your parents!

HOW ARE THE KIDS?

As I write this, I have chaos all around me. Just a typical day in our house.

Mihya is making pancakes with frosting and sprinkles, the only way a princess would ever have pancakes as you might not know! The kids are laughing, talking and doing their “remember when’s” and “what if’s”. Nothing but smiles all around. We actually look like we have our crap together. We actually might.

The overwhelming support and love that was received by us from each of you was nothing short of amazing. Don’t get me wrong, we did have the judgmental, back handed and even hateful few. That’s OK, I have tough skin and broad shoulders. I firmly believe that those few are moving on fear and ignorance as opposed to real hate, so I forgive them and only hope that someday they will be in a place of acceptance. Maybe our family can be the ones who change their mind, who knows! What I do know, is that a majority of our community of friends and family has embraced us. The very thing we need right now. Y’all said the words we needed to hear, wrote the messages we needed to see, gave the hugs we needed to feel and showed the concern we needed to have.

Thank you, just seems too simple although, it’s all I can think to say. Thank you!

The common questions and concern was clearly for our kids. Do they know? How are they coping? How did they take it? Can we talk to them? How can we help them? Can we tell our kids?

The absolutely great thing about kids, is that most of them just naturally come from a place of non-judgement. This is why kids walk away from a day at the park with a hundred new best friends. They have no judgement regarding what car another child came in, what they were wearing, where they go to school, what neighborhood they live in or wether or not their hair is a certain way or even combed for that matter. You just don’t see adults do that, well not unless their is a lot of alcohol involved. Seems like as adults, we need a common ground before we will allow ourselves to communicate with another human being. I find it crazy as I sit here and think about it, and at the same time as aware as I am about it, I do it all the time.

The funny thing about kids, is that they are all born selfish! They want to eat when they want to eat. Play when they want to play. Have when they want to have. Sleep when they want to sleep. They’re just really selfish. Unfortunately, most of us don’t ever fully outgrow it either. I know for me, I want everything clean and orderly all. the. time. I don’t care if you have a school project, it better not make a mess. I don’t care if you’re bleeding, don’t bleed on the carpet. Oh, you had a fun day at the beach? Wonderful, hose off before you step a foot in this house. It’s selfish, I know that. We each are selfish in our own form.

Kids are also resilient. Although I would have liked not to have tested that theory, I assure you, they are!

Yes, Our kids know and have known for about a year now. Not only do they know that their dad is gay, but they have known for about 10 months that we would be divorcing. We sat them down and explained to each of them the way we knew they’d best be able to handle the situation. As I explained, they lived up to the theory that they are non-judging, selfish and resilient.

I do this a lot on our blog, so this topic wouldn’t be any different, here’s how each of them reacted:

EmmaLeigh: “There’s a time when we each need to rise to the occasion and love someone for who they really are, I guess now’s my time to shine!” (I will be writing a whole blog post on this girl, she is a total ROCKSTAR!)

Kaidon: “ Ok, can I finish watching my show on Disney?” (can we talk, hug, anything?)

Mihya: (Dad is gay do you know what that is? In her most sing-songy voice with her finger pointed, smiling ear to ear) “You like booeeeeyyyyss!” (hmmmmmm...where do you go after that?)

Graysie: (we say Josh is gay and explain what it is) “That is just weird dad, just weird!” (we say we are getting a divorce and she goes crazy) DIVORCE? I AM LIKE ONE OF THE ONLY KIDS IN MY CLASS THAT DON’T HAVE DIVORCED PARENTS! YOU ARE MAKING ME JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!” (It's all about you grays, all about you)

Mikael: silence. (we talk more) smile. (we ask if he has questions) shakes his head no. (we assure him this does not change our love for him) he nods. (we ask again if he has questions) again, he shakes his head no.

Kayela: (we tell her everything in a seven year old way and ask if she has questions) “When dad gets his own house will I have chores at his house too?”

As far as if or what you tell your own children, that is up to you. Clearly, the fact that my kids have known this for almost a year and your children haven’t brought it up, should tell you that this isn’t all we are, or all we talk about. It’s pretty low on the radar. Right behind Disney channel, “what are we eating for dinner”, soccer, friends, pool, school, homework, field hockey, “he touched me”, elitches, “can I have a friend spend the night”, and any other thing your kids are doing as well.

Family, is what we are. This doesn’t change that. I’ve given you the kids’ first reactions. In no way could I even begin to share the emotions behind situations and settings in the past year as we’ve worked through our new “us”. The kids love their dad. They love me. They love us for who we are together. We will always be a family and they find comfort in that fact. They adore the fact that we are best friends, as much as they hate that it gets in the way of their manipulation. Luckily for us, we’ve had a huge support system and we are honored that it is growing!

Another Year Gone!

Nothing says "another year has passed" much more than the start of yet another school year. Right now my office is over crowded with six stuffed, zipper bulging, backpacks; a tell tale sign that the lazy days of summer are over and we are back into the hustle of our race against the clock.

As I sit here and think back about this past year I am baffled at all the things that our family has experienced. Not just experienced either, no, what this family has triumphantly risen to the occasion and greeted with open arms and challenged ourselves to see and do better and bigger than our wildest imaginations would allow.

In the past year:

• We have gone from conquering fourteeners to strolling along the beach.
• Emma went from struggling in Math in grade school to acing honors Math and Science in middle school.
• We went from a family of 8 to a family of 9 and then back to a family of 8.
• We went from being surrounded with familiar faces and places to only recognizing 7 other faces in a whole new world.
• I went from having no peace and quiet to 6+ hours a day of silence (it's not as golden as I thought it would be)
• We went from using a bottle of lotion a month to not understanding what you'd need with lotion unless it has some really phenomenal bug repellent associated with it
• Kaidon went from baseball to tennis
• We went from waking up and putting on our favorite outfits to waking up and making sure the uniform was cleaned
• We've gone from worrying we'll be late to wondering when people will actually roll around to showing up
• We've gone from merging into traffic to wondering what is going on when we are not the only car on the road
• We've gone from non-denominational to baptist (only some of you will understand what a "change" that is)
• Kayelas gone from 2 hours of school to a whole day away
• We've gone from tennis shoes to flip flops
• We've gone from coyotes to alligators and rabbits to tree frogs
• The girls have gone from long hair to bobs
• We've gone from deodorant on sale to clinical strength needing to be reapplied several times a day
• The kids have gone from being in the same school k-5 to being "the new kid"...... twice
• PC to MAC
• Graysie's gone from the doggy paddle to winning second in two swim meets
• Not having a clue why it's so frustrating to understanding RAD
• From coats, gloves and hats to rain gear
• Tardy slips to "no rush"
• Dieting to exercise (god forbid I try both at once)
• Mumbling Mikael to "PLEASE lower your voice"
• Soccer to golf, tennis, swimming and lacrosse
• Fun nights out with friends to great week long visits
• Josh focused only on me to the IPAD (heehee j/k ...but not really)
• Facebook being fun to it being crucial to staying in touch
• "home"
• Mihya has gone from princess to Southern Belle
• Proud to be an American to PRIDE in BEING an AMERICAN
• Having manners to actually having manners
• Sitting on the bench at recess if homework wasn't turned in to running laps and dropping and giving the teacher 20
• rain to RAIN! (aka torrential down pour)
• We've gone from Josh struggling to pull people along to Josh being pulled along by great people
• We've gone from "should we move?" to "this was the best move!"

The list could go on forever, really. To say we've gone through some major changes would be an understatement and yet, at the end of the day, we haven't really changed all that much! Hopefully, at the beginning of the school year next year my list is shorter and I can relish in the fact that we made it through at least one year of marriage and parenthood without such chaotic bliss. Although, if this coming year is a replay of the past 15 we'll still be holding tight to the fact that we are family, we are united and we are powering through because we know this life has big things in store for us. Here's looking forward to another fun-filled year!

YOU DON'T KNOW, WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW!

I dropped my boy off exactly one week ago today. It was hard. It was really, really hard!

I loved our visit with him and getting to see his personality shining. I loved every time his arms raised up to me in an attempt to get me to hold him.

I loved each grunt and grumble in his effort to communicate. I loved how he loves jumping and how he thinks he can run fast.

I loved his yawns when he was trying to convince us that he wasn't tired. I love how he approaches things stead fast and confident. I love how he smiles when he knows he's going to do something naughty.

I love how he took my napkin each time we ate so he could wipe his mouth and follow-up with a good nose blowing. I love how he gets absolutely out of control hyper just before he crashes into a deep slumber. I love how he works the crowd, flutters his great big eye lashes and says "uh-oh" when he throws something he shouldn't. I love how he smirks when he is trying not to smile for the camera.

I love how he out performs the grand prize winner of the "cutest baby contest" . I loved how he looked behind the computer when we Ichatted Josh thinking he'd be there. I love how he grunts "uh-uh" when he's pointing at something and you guess the wrong thing. I love how his eyes fill with tears when he's in a gut wrenching laugh.

I love how he tries to be brave when he is a bit nervous. I love how his whole face shows how sad he is. I love how he keeps a great poker face when strangers come to ooh and aah over him. But best of all...ya wanna know what I love best of all? I loved that when I picked him up from daycare on that very first day of that very first visit from the very last time I'd seen him and he heard my voice from across the room; he came running with his arms out, that's what I love most! After six months of not seeing me, he still knew that I was there for him and that I would pick him up when he came running and hold him and take in his baby smell and be in complete bliss and total awe of that sweet, sweet baby boy!

Nothing could have been more perfect.

Then, for many more visits than I could have ever expected, we got to see our little man in action. We laughed and played and ran ourselves ragged pleasing his highness. We remembered how it was needing to be quiet for naps and remembering a diaper bag and folding up a stroller. We fought over who got to change diapers (only because it means alone time with the greatest one year old on the planet). Who got to hold him.

Who got to dress him and buckle his car seat and push his stroller and carry him and feed him and sit by him.

Yes, we each wanted our share of time with him, even though we all knew that in the end, no amount of time would be enough time for any of us.

Then a week ago today the dreaded time came for us to take him back to his house with his birth mommy who was anxiously waiting. Nothing could have prepared this momma for how hard it would be to say "see ya soon big guy" and to turn and walk out that door.

I held up until birth mom turned to my biggest girl and said "boy, your mama wont let those emotions out will she?" and I lost it. I can confidently say I lost it.....because this time I know! I know how long that drive feels when you're driving away from something so important. I know how long those days feel when you should be busy chasing down a rowdy boy but you're not. I know how missed his voice is. I know how big he gets. I know how much he grows and learns and experiences without us.

I know how wonderful his birth mom is at putting her pride aside and acknowledging that we loved her boy to the fullest and that's all she needs to know to want us to continue to be a part of his life. I know that I could be having him for special dates but I'm just too far away now. I know just way to much to be as calm as I was when I dropped him off in January.

Needless to say, when I pulled away from Denver last Wednesday morning I was torn. I wanted desperately to get back to the man I have leaned on for the past fifteen years of life. I wanted to be home, to the place where my life is waiting for me. Yet, I could not stop thinking "...another mile further from that special guy....and another.....and another......" until my vision of miles of highway was blurred under my sunglasses and I just wanted to turn around for one last squeeze and kiss and look.

No, nothing could have prepared me for that........nothing!

Now, we are home and grateful for our time spent loving on our Tait. Tait, who will forever be our youngest child, even if he's not an official Hunt.

Grateful that we get to have the honor of being one of the few in this world who get to love this guy the way we get to love this guy. Yes, we are home; many, many, many miles too far from that big growing boy....... but home at last nonetheless!

Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater!!

Kids are funny. They take risks and push the line in ways that keep me baffled. For instance, this week EmmaLeigh and Kaidon are enjoying a tennis camp. The coaches are awesome and the kids have thoroughly enjoyed getting out in the warm summer sunshine to burn some energy and tackle a well loved sport. At the end of each three hour day the kids gather all their raffle tickets that they've accumulated for doing whatever great things the coaches caught them doing and they have a fun little prize give away. Now, some of the prizes are insignificant to you or I, but of course the kids adore them, like candy and gum. Still others are much more rewarding like a tennis club bumper sticker (really coveted here amongst the masses as seen HERE) and tennis attire or tennis magazines. Point being, the kids want to get tickets; and even more they want to win!!!

Monday, on the first day of camp as the raffle started many of the tickets being called ended up having no owner. Every now and then, however, a winner would yell out in elation over the winning of yet another piece of Laffy Taffy. I noticed, and clearly all the participants noticed, that this was solely based on the honor system.....you say you win.....you get a prize.....viola' it's a done deal! As time went on and on and on...a boy, we'll call "Drew" ('cause that's his name) would pause look around and then say "that's me!". Again, no questions asked and after winning 5 prizes with only 4 tickets this, Drew, was a lucky little booger don't you think? My kids questioned Drew's honesty. As their mother I challenged them to think better of their peer. "but.....but....but...." were their responses. I have to admit, they had valid reasons to question his integrity and yet, I just wanted them to trust the goodness in human nature.

Tuesday at camp, it was time for the raffle again and again, Drew, would pause and look around before shouting out that it was he who had the winning raffle ticket. Suspicions rose amongst the adults in the crowd, but nothing was said except for the quiet murmurs of "wow, he should buy a Lotto ticket if he's really getting that lucky!" When the next prize announced was going to be a French Open tennis shirt, you could almost feel the air heat up another ten degrees. Low and behold Drew hops up and shouts out "that's me!", when finally to all witnesses silent probing the coach asks for the "winning ticket" to be revealed. Drew blankly looks at his peers, he mumbles around a few pleading "it's me, it's mine, I won, I have the ticket" but amazingly never really even attempts to look down at his numbers. With more probing from the coach, Drew begins to sort through his tickets and comes up empty handed!

Honestly, I felt sort of bad for the little cheater pants! I felt like "wow, public humiliation is the absolute worst", wouldn't you agree? So many times I've been humiliated one way or another in the eye of the public and it never gets easy. I've tripped and fallen countless times, I've gotten frustrated and said nasty things to people who didn't deserve it, I've had to apologize for my child's bad behavior, I've lost a baby who we loved to the core. Some of these things, I couldn't even control; and yet, the humiliation behind them is paralyzing. I felt bad for this child, until the very next drawing where Mr. Cheater pants himself tried the scam again to no avail! The gull of that child! I'd like to hope that if my children were caught cheating they'd feel the pang of embarrassment and shame and remorse enough to wait more than a split second to do it again. There's no telling, but I would hope so.

On the car ride home I had to admit to my kids that they were right. They had definitely spotted a cheater pants. We talked about how winning by cheating never feels as good as really winning at something. We talked about honesty and integrity and how in one split rash decision of greed, they can change how other people judge their character. We talked about how only Drew had the capability to decide how he was going to be viewed by his peers. We talked about how nothing in that whole giveaway was worth jeopardizing how you saw yourself as a human being and unfortunately when you cheat, steal, lie etc. you not only affect those around you but you negatively affect your own self esteem! BUT.....we also talked about how his mom and dad should punish this bad behaviour and in my usual Hunt style here's what each of my kids said:

EmmaLeigh: As my genuinely honest, good natured, selfless girl; she was appalled that Mr. Cheater pants even had the thought to do this. Her idea was each of his honestly earned tickets would need to be dispersed evenly amongst his peers, giving him no chance to lie about winning anymore.

Kaidon: This boy values good, hard work. His idea of a good punishment was that for each prize he had "won" he needed to replace it to the coach with another prize of equal or more value than his cheated prize.

Mihya: Full of grace and a heart for the underdog. Mihya said she would make him give back the things he stole. Then....(because we asked if she thought he would learn his lesson by that minor punishment) she said she would not let him play tennis, he'd have to only be allowed to play other things! (ouch. severe huh?)

Graysie: This is my child who may at times (uhhum) struggle (huh um) with honesty (mmmhuh) herself, said he would get a spanking, owe her chores to pay back the prizes, give away the prizes he still had, be grounded, etc. etc. etc. (Wow! I know what to do for her next laps in judgement now don't I?)

Mikael: My man of many words and great insight said...................(shrug his shoulders)...........(silence).........................(quiet pondering)...............then at last "I don't know". Hopefully Mikael marries a great wife who doesn't mind taking on the role as the "heavy" in his household!

Kayela: Who has found herself in her room more than out of it in this first week of summer break suggested the old tried and true soap in the mouth for lying, spanking on the bottom and a year's worth of grounding! (oh, how that sounds so magical now, until she realizes that when little kids are grounded their mommies are too!)

There you have it, proof that personality does in fact play a role in parenting styles. Can't wait to see how they all do as parents someday!.......PAYBACKS!!

It's All for the Blog!

My family seems to think they are my agents. No, not just a few of them, ALL of them! Daily I have "suggestions" on blog posts. Daily, I think how in the world would I work that into the blog, let alone make it more than a one liner? Then again, every once in awhile someone says or does something regarding the blog and I think "BRILLIANT! I am SO using that!!" and as you might have guessed this whole post is going to be just that.

When you have six kids, you do things different. You have to in order to survive out there in the trenches of parenthood. Most of what we do is not because we've analyzed and researched some phenomenal parenting method sure to produce happy, functioning, contributing adults. Instead, it is pretty much the game of survivor. "outwit, outlast, outplay" could be the title of a parenting book that I could author on any given day, and I think I am going to embrace it as my own personal style of parenting. When the question pops up "how do you discipline your kids?" My new answer is going to be "Well, we just outwit, outlast and outplay our children.....how about you?". When I say we do things different, I mean most of the things we do are different. We are still bathing our children (although I do take advantage of the showers at the pool or beach when we are done swimming so I don't have 6 kids fighting over hot water), we still have bedtimes (except mine are probably much earlier than yours just because I am worn out much quicker), we still have the kids in sports (but maybe they are not in their first choice because I just can't watch 24 years of the same sport), and we wear clean matching clothes (I just have to be sure I get 3 loads a day done or we might be wearing our undies inside out)....see? We do some of what the rest of the worlds parents do, we just "adapt" accordingly.

This is true for sleep overs too. When we have one extra child spending the night we just go ahead and have everyone invite a friend. It sounds crazy and loud and sleepless...... and. it. is! Although, I've learned to dread the "sleep over" I can't imagine doing it any other way. If we let one at a time have a friend sleep over we'd be doing it for 6 consecutive weeks and by the time the last kid had a friend, we'd be starting the whole cycle over again.......I really don't like other peoples kids that much! REALLY! If they are over 2 years old and I'm not the boss of them, I pretty much don't want them around. So low and behold, we end up with 12 kids in our house about once every couple of months where we can do it up good! The kids can get out games eat lots of candy and stay up late and eat pizza and have donuts for breakfast and get loud and not have sleep and cry over someone looking at them the whole next day! It's a blast, let me tell ya!

Guess what we did this weekend? What? Am I that predictable?

Saturday night we had 11 kids to be responsible for. Only 6 we really liked, but 11 we were in charge of! (I know the math doesn't add up because one of my daughters couldn't invite someone. Because this not-to-be-mentioned kid has had a problem with following the rules and when she gets caught disobeying and in turn gets in trouble she's been peeing. Peeing on things....peeing on lots of things....like anything she can reach her booty over to pee on. So, when it came to inviting friends she didn't have the choice; for obvious reasons. Which I'm sure she has hidden pee somewhere for me to find because she was so mad about that decision. This is clearly not my oldest child, and it's not my boys because they are not my daughters and it's not either of my middle daughters either...but I'm not going to mention WHO it might be that didn't get a friend because how embarrassing for her right? Oh dear, back to blog post....) So, we have this house full of kids, who have lots of energy because they've been about to burst with excitement for days over friends coming and now they are finally here so they can let out this energy. We made personal pizzas on pitas and the kids were scattered all over the place when I decide somehow we've got to wear them out! It's like 7 p.m. and I'm already so tired it's disturbing, and yet, these kids are bouncing off the walls! So I suggest they race. I know "Hunt's" will present in this challenge well because my girl Grays has some skills!

The kids jump on board because the unsuspecting friends think they can beat my girl! I know better than this but I'm just glad to get them sprinting. I want them spread out too, it's not going to be tiring enough to just have them race across the yard a few times, so I have them running from our yard through 3 neighbors yards where Emma is standing as the "finish line". Now, two of the neighbors houses are vacant because they are new builds and aren't yet complete but the last house across has just recently been moved into. We've not yet met the neighbors but no one has fences so it's the perfect place to race....or so we thought! After a few rounds of racing and Josh and I sitting on the back porch so pleased with our energy burning idea Emma brings the finish line one house closer. I holler to her and say "Emma, move back" and she proceeds to tell me "No, the neighbor just yelled at me to stay off their property!" WHAT? The kids can't even run in their grass barefoot? I looked at Josh with my mouth hanging open and said "welcome to the neighborhood, new neighbors" Seriously? I find this really bizarre! They don't have gardens or shrubs or anything but big trees and grass. How in the world would these 11 little kids hurt their grass? I was a bit irritated at the whole issue and found it totally frustrating that seeing us out there they chose to yell at my child instead of coming over and talking to me about whatever issue they had. Instead of marching over there, handing them a beer and telling them to relax I just told the kids to run the same length we had originally planned, just outside their grass on the common area surrounding the pond. Good compromise right? WRONG AGAIN!!!! Now, the husband came to the window and yells out to "get off his property!" and here's where I am so proud of my girl who will not be bullied she answered by (respectfully) saying "Sir, this is the neighborhood property. We are off your grass. (looked back at next racers and yells) GO!" The man proceeded to yell at her from his window to stay out of his yard, and that he would be calling security!!! Yes, he really said that! Josh and I sat on our porch hysterically laughing at what he might tell security when he made the call "ummm...their are neighbor kids playing in the common area" or "These kids are laughing so loud and having so much fun they are disrupting my bad mood". Clearly, we didn't let the kids hear us cracking jokes, but I certainly was not going to make them move their races elsewhere either. There is a good 10 feet of common area behind this particular home that then backs to a pond where people fish all the time. Is he going to kick them out too? C'mon people! I don't know much about Southern hospitality, but I do know these people are probably not from around here!

When the races ended (yes, my girl smoked everyone of those kids) Emma came to talk to us. We got the whole scoop of what our new neighbors said. They told her what we had heard and then she said "when I responded the wife asked 'was that the child or the mother who responded to you that way?' " Funny, how that question even had to be brought up, as if a child can't state to an adult what they know is right. Funny, that seeing us out there they knew they had no right to kick the kids off the common area but thought they could intimidate a child to move. To be quite honest with you, I have no problem with my girl having enough confidence to stand up for what she knows is right. She doesn't need me to fight her battles or to confront a situation head on. When someone is irrational, whether they are an adult or not, I expect my kids to stand firm on what they know is right. I expect them to be polite and respectful, but I expect them also to be socially savvy enough to not come running to me when they have an issue. Obviously, when it went a step further and security did show up I stepped in and took over. (the security guard had a good laugh over the "suspects" since he was told that a "bunch of teenagers" were circling this house....hahaha!). Clearly, security told the man the same thing Emma had, that as long as they got off his property and were just on the common area he would just have to relax. When security left and we finished getting the scoop from Emma, Josh and I told her that she handled it well by letting them know she respected their request to stay off their property but that they would continue to race on the common area. We acknowledged that at 12 years old that could have been a little intimidating and that's when she said "oh, I just was thinking I was giving mom some good blog material!" ....hahahaha! YES, you did. Thanks for the suggestion Emma!

I'm still not convinced I will take all the suggestions for blog posts, but this one just had to be shared!

Phase II

I've now entered phase 2 of parenting. It's kind of like entering the twilight zone but a whole lot more scary, filled with much less predictable endings.

It all pretty much happened at the same time that we moved to SC. We lost our precious baby boy, and Kayela went from half days to full days. I am now being left for hours on end with no supervision kids to tote around. Something about the move also made everyone pull together and grow up much more quickly than I anticipated. It's so funny because I feel like my days are long and yet my years are short. Does that make sense at all? These kids are in routines and have spread their wings and I am left wondering where my screaming bipolar toddlers chubby dimpled hand toddlers are. I am realizing we are in Phase 2 of this whole parenting timeline. No more are the days when at the end I am still un-showered wondering where the time went and why my "to do" list has only gotten longer. I am liking this phase, it's just crazy how fast it has snuck up on me and I wish I could have told my phase 1 self to relax a little more and enjoy the chaos of it all.

Now that I've officially crossed into this new phase riddled with lots of down time followed up by too much togetherness, I need something to do! I need to read a good book that doesn't have anything to do with potty training, speech development and parenting the RAD child. I am a picky reader though so I like real life. I don't like romance (I have all the romance one girl needs at this point…puke…but true!) I could use a little self help I'm sure, but I live with the all time motivator of life so I'm pretty fulfilled there. I need a book I can sink into and devour and feel rejuvenated after reading it….and then I'll need another and another and another….you get the point right? So, please send me your book ideas. I don't care if you send them via facebook, or blog commenting or email or phone call…I'm just desperate and I need a few good books! If your grandmother sent you a book that you aren't going to have time to read give me the title I'll read it for you and give you an overview so you can thank her….at this point I am open to pretty much anything! Just get me a good book!

Until then, I will be wandering aimlessly throughout my house pretending like I have enough to do to keep me out of trouble occupied for 9 hours a day/5 days a week. OR…you can find me on facebook!

New Project

OK, so some of you are already familiar with my new project, but for those of you who are not I wanted to share.

When Josh and I adopted Graysie (May 9, 2002) we knew then that we wanted an open adoption. It's not that we thought it was the only way it could be done or that through experience or countless hours of research we found this was the best adoption plan. No, actually, the reality is that we were just not willing to look our child in the eyes and answer the "tough" questions we knew she would have someday. We weren't willing to be the ones to explain who's hands she had with an "I don't know!" as an answer. We really wanted to be able to pawn off all those adoption related issues to be perfectly honest with you, I mean seriously I wish I had that for all my kids!

After we got through our adoption (and the first tough months for all of us involved) we realized we had a great thing going. We realized that this gift we were given is one of the most precious things to us and our family. We realized that in return our gift to Amanda was that she could rest assured that her baby was loved and adored by many. On May 9Th 2002, we not only adopted Graysie but we adopted her birth mom, Amanda, as well. We have loved her fully through some ups in downs in all of our lives. We have looked at her like a younger sibling, not always agreeing with her choices, but completely loving her.

We knew right away just from talking to other adoptive parents and birth moms that although we weren't the only ones doing adoption this way, we definitely wanted to share our story. We've recently started a blog at: DearGraysie.com where we will be writing to Grayise, letters from each of our perspectives on our adoption journey. Although it's just getting started, what we have in the works will really be emotional and informative, real and raw truth. I'd love for all of you to join as followers and show your support (if not for me, for Amanda who is braving the emotions of it all, again.) and to pass it along to anyone you know is an adoptive mom, birth mom, adoptee, or just might like to get the inside scoop! Our dream was Oprah but since it's her last season and we haven't been called yet, I guess we are having to settle for our own personal blog!

Thanks for your support and I can't wait to see ya all there!