Emma was born 4 weeks early in the middle of November. When she arrived, she was nothing I had thought she would be, and yet she was more perfect than I imagined. Her hair was so long that when we left the hospital she wore pigtails. The nurses commented that she had already had highlights done because her hair was beautiful. Emma had the same great big blue eyes that she still has, and they stood out like no other feature. Her tiny little birth mark on her back, her long arms and her skinny body made these parents proud!
When Emma was a few months old, we left her with my mom for the first time. Emma, who never cried and was so totally laid back, bawled her head off the entire time we were gone. I’d call to check in and my mom would hand her over to my grandmother and run in the back room to be sure Josh and I couldn’t hear her. When we got back home my mom told us that she had cried, and I was shocked. As we talked, I remember my mom saying “she just acted like she knew what was going on, but she’s much too young to be doing that!” We should have known then that we were in for a great ride with this one!
As Emma got older, she continued on that same journey. Emma always seemed to socially know what was going on. When Emma was a year old she talked in full sentences. When she was fifteen months she told me she needed to use the potty, I put her off until she turned seventeen months then she got big girl panties and never had an accident....EVER! When she was not even two years old I had gotten distracted while she was in time out and felt horrible. When I apologized to her, she said “that’s ok mommy, I was just counting!” and then proceeded to count to twenty.......I didn’t know she could count past three. When Emma went to Kindergarten, everyday she would come home with story after story about the “kids”, referring to the kids in her class as though she was a T.A. Somehow, Emma came into this world with a social awareness far beyond her years. Fortunately for Josh and I, Emma has been an extremely easy child to parent. Actually, quite often, I say she is a better parent than I could ever be. This girl has taught me so many things about life.
During our darkest days Emma has come through like I am not sure many adults could have. As I already said in a previous post, Emma adores her dad and only wants for him what will make him truly happy and fulfilled. I am not sure many thirteen year old girls would have that same unselfish desire. The first sentence out of Emma’s mouth when we sat her down to basically let her know that her whole world would be turned upside down was “There’s a time when we each need to rise to the occasion and love someone for who they really are. I guess now’s my time to shine!” Was I shocked? No, it’s Emma. Was I proud? Absolutely.
Over the past year Emma and I, Emma and Josh and all three of us together have had some amazing conversations. Emma never ceases to amaze this momma! One of my favorite conversations with Emma was one evening not too long ago. I could tell she was wanting to talk so we sat down in my bedroom and I just started asking her questions. One thing lead to another when I asked her “Well, if you were in your dads situation what is it you would do?” Here is what Emma said (paraphrasing of course):
“Mom, remember when I was really little and I had dug in the plants? Remember how I had dirt all over my hands? Remember how you asked me so many times if I had done it, and remember how I told you no? Remember how I told you I had dirt on my hands only because I wanted to help you, so I tried to clean it up? Mom, remember how you said that you knew I wouldn’t lie so that you believed me? Remember how I went to bed that night, and as you were tucking me in, I ended up telling you I had really been the one to dig in the plant? I knew I had lied to you, I knew you believed me, I knew you told people on the phone how nice I was to help you clean it up, and that feeling was horrible. Mom, I think that’s how dad has felt for all these years. Like he’s holding back the truth. Mom, I couldn’t make it a day. I want him to live his truth”
Now, I am not a crier, but I still can’t even type those words and not have tears streaming down my face.
That was just one story, although in Emma fashion, she has encouraged us through in so many other times with these words:
- “I think dad thinks it’s like the olden days when you’d be stoned to death for being gay. It’s not, he’s going to be ok”
- “It’s going to be great to have three dads someday, especially if two of them are like dad and can keep me fashionable”
- “What? I’ll still only get one gift from y’all? Man, the best benefit of divorced parents and y’all are holding out on me!”
- “I love that our family is different”
- “You are more in love than I’ve ever seen my friends parents be, there’s no way anyone can make that a bad thing”
- “I love dad. No one else I know has a dad who talks to them like he talks to us”
Couldn’t begin to list them all either.
Rockstar, isn’t she? Not even some of the adults in our life can love Josh like that, and this doesn’t even come close to affecting them the way it affects that girl of ours. She is loving and grace filled and I am proud to be her mom! I know that someday she is going to change lives, change minds and change attitudes. I am honored to have a ticket to her show. I’ll be the one in the front row applauding her every effort.
Louie, you are the best and we are so proud to be your parents!
