Gossip People, please!!

During the heaviest and hardest of days for me, I remember silently pleading with people to gossip about my situation.  I remember wanting people to talk it up, say what they needed to say and tell everyone they knew to read the blog so they’d be updated.  I remember being terrified to go out in public alone, for fear that I would have to tell my story. One. More. Time.  I can’t explain how draining it was to re-live over and over again the latest, and not so greatest, update on the “Hunt Family.”  If I saw someone out in public who I wasn’t sure had been in the loop, I would dodge them like a bullet. There were times that I would have to gear myself up hours in advance to leave my house, especially when it was kids events like school and sports where I was sure to run into people who knew just enough to be dangerous.  

While I have often said to my kids “people aren’t as interested in you as you think they are or should be”, I really didn’t want that to be the case for me.  I understood that not everyone had such dull lives that they needed to be talking about me and my mess, however, I was tired of telling my own story.  I couldn’t believe that some people hadn’t heard!  I mean seriously, we live in suburbia, went to a mega church, had six kids and ran companies... now he’s gay!!! Why aren’t you gossiping people? I just wanted everyone to instantly know. It was too hard to have to say it again.  When the kids were around was the hardest too because they’d have to hear one more time that their lives were going to be changed forever, it hurt my heart to see them in those situations.  I needed people gossiping.

  Now don’t get me wrong, when other’s would ask “how are things, how are the kids, how are you?” I wasn’t bothered.  I liked knowing people were concerned.  I felt honored that they’d go out of their comfort zones at times to ask.  I was grateful to those who said they’d be there if I needed to talk, and even more grateful to those who actually listened.  For all the friends that went out of their way to call and just let me fall to pieces in front of them over and over again, I won’t forget that.  Words can’t even begin to explain how comforting that was for each and every one of us.  What I’m talking about is not that, what I am talking about are the people who hadn’t heard.  The people who I hadn’t kept in touch with and I had to explain the whole freaking mess to, that was miserable! 

However, even more miserable than that and by far the toughest thing ever was the hate messages I got.  I blogged about one or two.  I hid most of them from Josh and the kids. I was angry at people’s judgement. I laughed on the outside at the ignorance of some, while my mind went crazy.  I was hurt each and every time. 

It was one thing to get those emails that talked about gay and the bible and their view. Great, everyone has an opinion, including me. I can hear you out and agree to disagree and still be respectful and understanding and even friends. It was a completely different thing to get those emails that bashed me and my kids.  Not that I want to play victim here, but really?  How in anyone’s right mind can you blame this on me or my children? With every unsupportive word spoken or written to me I was that much more determined to come out on top.  

Where am I headed with all of this?  Well, to be honest, now over three years later I thought I was done with all that nastiness.....until I got a message in my inbox today.  I was absolutely caught off guard when I started reading, and the message just got more and more righteous as it went, but basically ( and when I say “basically”, I am really technically saying I should use quotations and reference my sources but, I am a nicer person than that.) it went something like this:

You are wrong and completely living a sinful life.  To act as though divorce and re-marriage is something to be celebrated is just another way our society is fallen to the devil and you and people like you are the main contributing factors. I am ashamed I ever called you “friend” and am mortified that our children spent so much time together when they were younger, I should have been a better mother.  Now to watch your facebook posts acting as though moving forward in a new marriage is acceptable has me stunned......

......ummmm, what do I say to that?  How do I respond?  How can I not be hurt and angry over those accusations?  Again, I will not be the victim.  I refuse to play that hand. At the same time, give me a break.  I did, and continue to do, the best I can with what I have been given.  I will not be sorry for moving on.  I will not apologize for being an example to my kids that when life doesn’t go as you plan, start over and do better. I will not be sorry for starting my life over with a man and four bonus kids who I absolutely cherish! I cannot hide my newfound happy, nor should I have to. I refuse to accept that I should be wallowing in self pity for eternity.   I am confident that my decision to support my friend, and the father of my children, while I take care of myself was the best thing for my children.  My response was short and simple, because like I reminded myself over and over as I typed “I get to choose the type of person that I am, no one else decides that for me”  and I told her:

I am happy for your ignorance on this subject, because that means you’ve not been hurt the way I have.  

Then, I unfriended her, cried some more and decided again that I would rather have people like this gossip about me than tell me their opinions. Please people, I’m begging you.... gossip!  I would rather you tell your circle of friends all your opinions about me and my decisions than to drag me into this debate anymore.