Health Warning!

When Emma was born she sucked her thumb. Much to our dismay, she sucked her thumb until Kindergarten. Then when Kaidon came along he too sucked his thumb although his habit was a bit harder to break and he sucked his thumb well into his second grade year. Mihya was our good girl and didn't suck her thumb....no, she sucked her two middle fingers up until her second grade year too! Thing was, before Josh and I had kids, we'd see kids walking around sucking their thumbs and we'd verbally say "when we have kids they will NEVER suck their thumbs!" Guess God does have a way of giving you grace for those that you never imagined you could relate too huh?

With all the thumb and finger sucking going on in our house, I must admit I am a bit anal about the hand sanitizer. Yes, I always have a bottle on me. Bath and Body works used to carry a product just for kids that was hand sanitizing wipes and I swear to you, had I known they were going to stop carrying this product in their stores I would have bought cases of those things. They smelled great and didn't burn the kids hands when they had dry cracks (which, when you use hand sanitizer as often as my kids do, tends to happen often). I'm always very aware of dirty grimy handrails and other items of concern when out and about with the kids. For some reason though, when we were in Costa Rica, my guard was down.

So, Josh and I had met some friends and decided to do a city tour with them in Costa Rica. We all four crammed into a taxi and were on our way. We saw the rain forest, banana plantations, a beautiful beach, and cocoa bean farmers (trust me, I knew what I was doing when I decided a long time ago that I didn't like chocolate) and just the way of life for Costa Ricans. Well, when we were driving from one location to another we saw two little boys on the side of the road holding some wild creature. Our friend, Monica, asked the taxi driver what they were doing. He told us they had a sloth that they were letting people take pictures with for a "donation". Monica and I, in unison, said "stop the car, I want to hold a sloth!". Josh and Monica's husband, Nick, looked at us like we were crazy and both said they would take our pictures. Monica went first while Nick snapped a few pictures of her and then she passed the sloth off to me. I guess I was missing Tait an awful lot because I picked that sloth up and coddled it like a baby. I looked at his sweet little eyes and his crooked smile and I thought it was adorable! I pet it and couldn't believe how wiry it's hair was. I did get Josh to pet it with one finger but it took much coaxing. All the while, the little boys watched me nervously and in my head I was thinking "these poor boys live in such a tough environment that they actually think I am going to steal their pet!" I was almost sad at that thought until it was interrupted by our cab driver who said "lady the boys said to keep the sloth away from your body....they say didn't you see its claws?" It was a pretty funny moment just because I had assumed this was their pet and instead it was a wild creature they pulled out of the trees for some quick cash!

Back at the ship later that afternoon we told some friends in the hot tub about the experience and all of their reactions were "oh, we saw those boys too but I just kept thinking of all the germs that thing would carry!" Funny, how away from my kids I had turned into a reckless person who forgot all about germs! Since then, every person I tell the story of the sloth to has the same reaction. I don't know, I guess I wasn't in protective mom mode.

I have no regrets though. It's one of the things I am most going to remember about our vacation. Now, if you see me twitching uncontrollably or some weired growth appears in the middle of my forehead and I can't communicate with the doctors can one of you just pass this information along so I can get the proper treatment?

"You can dress her up, but you can't take her out!"

I never had a wedding. I never wanted one either! Even as a little girl, when most of my friends were dressing up and having their Barbies get married it never crossed my mind. It's funny to me that all of my girls already talk about their weddings. They have planned in great detail what flowers, colors and what dress they will be wearing. They have planned what their groom will say and what he will be wearing too. I sit back and laugh to myself often about how different they are than I am. To this day I've never regretted not having a wedding! It never crosses my mind that I missed out on anything because I really don't feel like I have. As a matter of fact the thought of planning for months, spending money I'll never see again, dressing up in a too tight white dress, walking down an isle in front of my parents friends and family, saying things that are only meant to be heard by my husband without laughing or messing up and then entertaining the crowd afterwards really just doesn't hit the top of my "to do in this lifetime" list. I know, I know this is a big dream for some, I'm just saying NOT ME!

Although, I did love homecoming, prom, dressing up for galas and fundraisers, and of course one of my favorite parts of our cruise was getting all dolled up for dinner each evening. Funny thing is, I can get all dressed up but I still just can't help but feel sorry for Josh. Seriously, I don't have a grown-up nerve in my body. As hard as I try to act sophisticated and mature I just can't pull it off for very long. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty clumsy and even fell down the stairs one day...I just happened to be holding a drink too, which made the effect even greater and the bad thing was that I hadn't even had a drink yet, so unfortunately I was too sober to really think it was funny. Good thing is that Josh is pretty used to me falling since I do it on every vacation at least once. Every evening I would whip out an elegant up-do and put on my fancy dress and yet every evening on the way back to our room I couldn't help but say "JAACCK....JAAACCCKK" in my raspiest distressed voice. I'd burst out laughing and a few times I even kicked off my shoes and ran down the hall to our room. I thought it was funny all eight nights of our cruise.

I just can't help but wonder if it ever gets old for Josh. I mean really I wonder if he ever just gets sick of not being able to have an adult conversation. I don't know, maybe in some strange sort of way, he appreciates being able to let his guard down and just answer to my S.O.S. calls of "JJJAAACCKK" down the hallway of our cruise ship. Maybe he's ok with the fact that I'm all dressed up and shouldn't be allowed to leave the house.

Anyway, here's some of my favorite dressed up pictures of us. Keep in mind while you look at them that Josh can be dressed up and taken out.... and.... well.... I can just get dressed up:

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Back to Life...

back to reality! OH MY GOSH, did we ever get spoiled on our two weeks away! Josh and I had such a great time reconnecting and just catching up with each other. We were lazy and warm and it was SO perfect. Now, back to -9 degrees is a little shock on the 'ole system but we missed the kids (or at least that is what we are telling people so they don't question us as parents)so it's good to be back? well, not really but it sounded convincing didn't it?

So, we left the day after Thanksgiving for our little adventure. Our first stop was Fort Lauder dale, Fl. where we stayed just one night. We wanted to be sure we gave ourselves plenty of time to not miss our ship so we really didn't do much there. Just hung out and geared up for our time away. We boarded our ship on Saturday around noon and were one of the first ones there (not too eager huh?) We were so early they didn't even have our state room cleaned yet. We got ourselves acquainted with the ship and ported out at 4:30 p.m., Sunday we had a sea day, Monday we were in Ocho Rios, Jamaica, Tuesday we were at sea again, Wednesday we were in Santa Marta, Columbia, Thursday Cartagena, Columbia, Friday a sea day (we love the sea days best of all! We can be lazy and no one questions why we aren't doing anything!) Saturday we were in Costa Rica and Sunday we ended in Colon, Panama! PHEW! What a great time. We stayed in Panama City, Panama for an extra day and then on to Orlando for the night and back home. The hottest day we had was 112 degrees and the coolest was 65 degrees (a cold front in Florida on our first day...hmmm...that is MY idea of "cold").

I have way to much to post (like lost luggage...TWICE! holding a sloth...way to close for the owners comfort, dressing-up and falling down, trading for an apple...oh and so much more!) to get it all in, so I am going to drag it out over several different posts so you all can get the full effect of our trip. I will then be able to post a ton of pictures and lots of gory details...probably so many details that you'll all be begging me to stop!

Here's some pictures to get started! Enjoy!

Starbucks
I don't drink Starbucks. I don't drink coffee....AND....with that said, I don't even drink caffeine. Although I've stated all of the above, for some strange reason I still end up finding myself in Starbucks. Each time I do, it is such a hilarious thing for me. Really, it totally just cracks me up at what people are willing to say to get the "perfect" cup of coffee. As I sat in the coffee shop I heard things like "180 degree, no water Chi, 3 pump, double whip, no foam, double cupped, personal cup, shaken...."....the list goes on and on! Quiet frankly, I don't even know what any of that means and I just can't help but wonder how all of these people ended up knowing what any of that means. Really, is their a class? How do you decide if you need a half a pump or a 3/4 pump? Does that really make or break the drink? The other thing that goes through my mind is the movie "Kicking and Screaming". It is really how I see all of you Starbucks junkies (if you haven't seen that movie watch it now!). I just can't help but laugh out loud and sometimes I want to ask them to repeat their order so I can record it and play it back to myself when I need a little pick-me-up.

The reality is, that as funny as I find the orders, I just can't help but wonder who the people behind the orders really are. Maybe all these people order different drinks depending on their moods and life challenges. The guy who just walked through the door and ordered coffee "black" and never acknowledged the barista (a term I had to verify through my personal "Starbucks junkie") might be in the middle of a bitter divorce and wants nothing more to clutter his life like whip and pumps of anything. What about the sweet couple who walked through the door together and brought their own cups. She orders for him...but does he even like what she got him, or does he just do what he is told? How about the teenagers who come through. You can tell they are "regulars" as they rattle off their mile long drink orders filled with pumps and shots and a full load of just about every ingredient that Starbucks offers. Not a care in the world, they want to experience it all!

With all of that said, it got me thinking about my kids and their personalities and exactly what I thought they would order. Here is what I came up with:
EmmaLeigh- She would order a venti (the biggest I'm told). She will get whatever they tell her is the "featured" drink as she loves to try new things and will put herself out their to always be able to say she tried something different.
Kaidon-This guy would have a different drink depending on the weather. He would be consistent enough that the baristas would know his drink no matter the season. He'd be one that would have a daily "call ahead" order so that it would be ready and waiting for him. If he was running even a minute behind he'd feel it necessary to call and let them know so that they could plan accordingly.
Mihya-She would be getting something different daily. Some days she would be going all out with whatever could bring her mood "up" and other days she would be trying to find things that could bring her "down". The baristas would be anxious each day as to which "Mihya" would be walking through the door.
Graysie-She would be ordering whatever drink is the froufrouist. Her drink would stand out in a crowd and would turn heads it would look so pretty. She might not even like how it tastes but she wouldn't care as long as it was getting the attention it deserved.
Mikael-He'd be going to the same Starbucks at the same time everyday ordering a black decaf coffee. Nice and simple, no changes, no additions. It would need to be decaf just in case caffeine might make him do something he'd regret. The barista would have it waiting for him and he'd hand over the exact change each day. They would never know his name and he'd never say more than "thank you".
Kayela-It wouldn't matter what she ordered because she would only be going in to get a few more words spoken each day. She would know all the baristas names, spouses and birthdays and she would be friends with all the other customers. They would love her too because she would have a compliment for each of them daily.
Tait- All he'd have to do is smile and they'd be handing over the keys!(...or maybe it's just us he has that power over)

In the future, as you order, think of me standing next to you "analyzing" your personality based on your drink. Seriuosly think about what your drink says about you and be sure to let me know what you unveil...I always need a good laugh!

It's National Adoption Month
We didn't know 14 years ago when we got married that we would be adopting kids. It was never something we really even planned for, but as you know here we are on number 4! How this process is stressful, blissful, annoying, frustrating, amazing, tiring, exciting, emotional, etc. all at the same time can only be fully grasped when you choose to go through with a personal adoption. No words could ever describe how something so emotionally draining can be one of the very things that you would never change about your life. We have been absolutely blessed with the ability to be called "adoptive parents" to four awesome kids whom we love with everything we have. Each of their situations are very different from one another although the one thing that remains the same is how grateful we are that, for whatever reason, we were the "chosen" parents.

Graysie: You were the first baby that taught me that I could love something that I hadn't carried with me for nine months. I loved you from the second I knew you'd be my baby and waited for you to come just like I waited for labor pains to start with your big brother and sisters. It was the first time I got to "see" one of my babies be born and to be totally focused on your first breath. You're so loved by both Amanda and I that, unlike most kids, you have two moms who worry about you and want the best for you. You are funny and beautiful, caring and smart. I can see that you are so proud of who you are and I hope that you don't ever forget how special you are.

Mikael: You were so broken when we got you that we weren't sure how you'd be able to overcome the obstacles that had been placed in your way. Had we only known what a fighter you are we never would have lost sleep over it. You are so compassionate and concerned with everyone you come in contact with. You are a helper by nature and although it wasn't what you were taught for your first three years of life you are one of the very few kids I know who naturally puts others above himself. I know that you will do great things.

Kayela: Although we were just waiting for one baby boy, we were lucky enough to get you as a bonus! Once you decided to love and trust us as your parents, you did it with all of your heart. Their isn't a day that goes by that we don't know how much you appreciate us as your mommy and daddy. You are never lacking a great compliment and when you find something that needs to be said you never hold back. You are always wanting to share your adoption story and are so drawn to teach others about adoption that you are sure to spark foster-adopt awareness in the future.

Tait: Our sweet, sweet guy. How we long for the day that we can call you ours. You are the perfect picture of what we dreamed about for so long while waiting for the call announcing we'd be parents again. You've brought a common passion to our family, that cannot be described by words. I am a sucker for those green eyes and dimples and how I know you will use that to your advantage in the future. You are so laid back and patient and it has been nothing short of amazing to be able to love you each day.

I love being an adoptive mom, even with the challenges it brings each day. I wouldn't change this craziness for anything!

Enjoy the video:

Protective Paranoia
Even with Emma as our first baby I was laid back and not much of a worrier. I don't know if it's that I was too young to know to be worried or if I was just really relaxed because I read about a million books while pregnant with her, and just thought I knew it all. Either way, nothing with her really bothered me. I've never been the one on a first name basis with my pediatrician or the office staff and you'd think we would know each other considering I am in there a minimum of 6 times a year with well baby checks alone. The fact is though, I really am not one of "those" parents that freaks out about every cough and sniffle. I once had a friend who was drama through and through! I don't know how many times she told me that she was waiting for a call back from the pediatrician. I would smile and nod while thinking "oh, that poor, poor man". Actually, one time I mentioned that I knew her and the pediatrician looked sweetly over his glasses and said "wow, it's amazing how two women with totally different parenting styles could be friends like you are." I personally took that as a compliment just knowing about all the drama this person brought with her into any situation including her mothering.

It's not even like we haven't had our fair share of unforeseen circumstances either. No, we've had a broken femur that resulted in a full body cast on a two year old. We've had three broken arms, one ripped open scrotum, countless black eyes, heart murmurs, severe asthma from 2 weeks old, presumed cystic fibrosis that thankfully after many months of testing was determined to be negative, crossed eyes, speech disorder, drug addictions....Oh, how I could go on! The point is, it just didn't bother me! I rolled with it and got frustrated at times but I was not a paranoid fool about the things that have been thrown our way. It was what it was period!

Although that was my old parenting style I have to admit that my new one is more of a protective psychotic style. I fully admit that how I am parenting Tait is a bit more "helicopterish" than how I parented the other six. Seriously, I just don't know why but I am a freak about every little thing with him. Our pediatrician just received their shipment of the H1N1 vaccine and guess who they administered the first shot to? Yep, you guessed it, Tait! I got the email this morning at 7:34 and had an appointment at 8:30 where he got his shot. When I entered through the front door I played off the fact that they now call me by name by telling myself it's only because my baby is so cute how would they forget him? The crazy thing is that I haven't realized how freakish I've been until today when I was feeling uncomfortable that the plant at the desk in the pediatricians lobby seemed to be a bit droopy. I started to freak out about if they can't keep the plant healthy, than what risk is my poor baby at? Oh dear and did the nurse cough? I think she might have. However, the big sign to me that I might just need to chill out a bit is when I got this response from the nurse after asking "now, do you have staff that takes care of the well babies and then staff that only deals with the sick kids? because what risk is that for all these kids who are only coming in for flu shots to have been in contact with germs from your clothes and other stuff that has been in contact with the sick kids. Oh that brings up a thought about the rooms do you separate the sick rooms from the well rooms or are they intermixed too?...." I'm not sure how long I rambled but I just know that once I started to come up for air she smirked at me and said "Mom, don't you have six kids that go to school everyday?" Oh dear!

All I can say is that my new focus is going to be to loosen up a bit, I've gotten quite protective in my old age!

Day Planner
Every evening I come up with this giant laundry list of things that I didn't quite complete for the day. I just end up "rolling it over" to the next day. Funny how I always seem to think I have more hours in the day or that all my tasks will just take five minutes. No matter where I'm driving I always plan 15 minutes. I need to go to the bank...15 min. I need to go to the mall...15 min. I need to drop something off in Florida...15 min. I don't know why, but I end up setting myself up for failure and I never get through a whole task list! NEVER! I have high expectations I guess.

Today Mihya gave me a brilliant idea. She made herself a task list that looked something like this:

1. get dressed
2. eat
3. play with Tait
4. rest
5. play wii
6. change Taits diaper if it's wet, not poopy (good to be specific)
7. wait for Emma to come home
8. read a book
9. wait for dad to come home

Do you know how successful I'd feel at the end of each day? "hmm...did I get dressed?.....check! Did I eat?.....double check! let's see here... oh, forgot to check off resting, and I did that!...check!" Seriously can you imagine Josh coming home at the end of the day and me saying "oh, thank God I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to complete my task list but now that you're home I can check off waiting for you!" Better yet "Dinner? oh let me see here, nope! not on my task list today!" My family would surely think I'd need to be admitted to the loony bin but I'd sure feel great about my accomplishments wouldn't I?

Many years ago I read a book called Professionalizing Motherhood. The author did suggest that you write out everything you do in a day so even if you didn't complete each task, you'd still feel good about what items you did complete. I'm not sure she wanted to suggest going as far as putting "get out of bed" on the list, but maybe what I've been trying to accomplish in a day is just way over the top. Maybe that is why no matter how much I get done I still feel like it wasn't enough. I think today one of the things on my "to do" list will be to sit down and rework my "to do" list. Until then, I will just sit with Mihya and wait for Josh to get home!

Pet Peeve
Playing the "stupid card" is one of the biggest pet peeves I have concerning women and girls. It drives me so nutty that anytime I see some female in public playing that card I just want to call her out on it! "really, I mean, really are you seriously that stupid or are you thinking somehow acting like that will benefit you in some way?". It has always bugged me too, this is not something that came with parenting four girls and aging. Nope, I remember this one girl in particular in high school who drove me crazy because she thought being stupid made her appealing in some way. Now that I am raising four girls what you should know and they have all already figured out, is that nothing sets me off faster than one of them playing the "stupid card". As a matter of fact I go off on a whole little tangent on why this is absolutely not OK under my roof! It goes something like this:

"Do you realize how many other women before us fought to get the men of this country to understand that we are just as capable as they are to make decisions concerning our freedoms and rights? Do you get that when you act like you are an uneducated female that it is a direct disrespect and slap in the face to each of those women who fought for us! Do you realize that you leave room for the men of this country to second guess the law that was put forth so that we had voting rights? not only that but what exactly do you think you will gain by acting like you are clueless? It is neither cute or funny to play that 'stupid card'. You may gain a laugh but you will lose respect, and what is more important to be respected or to be laughed at? By acting dumb you will gain nothing positive...nothing!"

Each of my girls can probably quote this verbatim because unfortunately I have come to realize in the last couple of years that sometimes people just really are clueless. As a matter of fact one of my daughters (omitting her name although if you know us well I'm sure you can pick her out..ha!) is just this way. Boy does she drive me crazy, and I promise you she really doesn't try at all to act like a dumb blond. What you have to know too, is that she is so freakin' smart it is unbelievable, but book smarts and common sense are as different as the sun and moon and I know that first hand!

Just last week this daughter had to go potty as soon as she ran in from the school bus. She raced upstairs and sat down, pottied and then I heard her say "mom, the toilet sprayed all over me" Knowing who this child is I braced myself for what I would find. By the time I got into the bathroom one of my other daughters is frustrated at her sister saying "why do you think you got wet?" shoulders shrug "well duh you didn't put the lid up!" Seriously? I think. she did not put the seat up and could not for the life of her figure out why her pee didn't go IN the toilet? Then just this morning I was loading the dishwasher as the kids were sitting and eating some cereal. This daughter of mine was talking and holding the milk jug and not paying any attention to the fact that all the other kids still needed milk. I said to her "please put the milk on your cereal so everyone else can start eating." what did she do? looked at me with a puzzled look, then proceeded to try and balance the jug of milk on her cereal bowl! OH MY GOSH! I said "what are you doing?" she answered very sincerely by saying "you said to put the milk on my cereal" OOps, my mistake I needed to say pour some milk on your cereal then hand the jug over to someone who has not yet had any milk. I have finally gotten her to stop putting her winter coat, shoes, earrings, etc. in her hamper too. Yes, she used to do that because I was always picking up every one's clothes off the floor and made the mistake of ranting "if you wear it, it is your responsibility to get it from your body to the hamper!" Boy, did she take that to the extreme! Logically she has to know that I am not going to throw her earrings in the washing machine and fold them up and put them away in her jewelry case. I swear to you, it is like living with Amelia Bedelia. Love the books but have to say it gets a little old always being taken so literally!

So, the whole point is, if you to are like me and have the pet peeve of "the stupid card" just know that sometimes, no matter how hard their mothers have tried some girls are really just so book smart that they sacrifice their smarts in other areas. Besides..... it might be just a bit entertaining!

Realization
There are times in life when I have a certain plan in mind and yet I just can't seem to get everyone else to conform. For instance, vacations. When we go on vacation I have everything planned out to the minute. I know what we will be doing each day and exactly where we will be eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner (because I've made reservations far in advance to assure the plan will not be altered). I know when we will wake up, when we will go to sleep and what we will be wearing. When we are at Disney World I even plan out what rides and shows we will be doing in order and leave plenty of time the second day at each park in case we get off schedule on the first day. Josh refers to this as being a control freak, although I really just like to say that I'm a "planner". With seven kids this, for the most part, is a really great trait to bring into the mix. If I wasn't this way we'd look something more like a hurricane than a family of nine. Typically this "passion to plan" works out flawlessly and I pride myself on how smooth our life runs even with the burden...ur I mean ...blessing of seven kiddos. BUT (you knew the but was coming didn't you?) on some rare occasions.... few and far between... when other people are involved besides myself the "plan" does not go off without a hitch. No actually, sometimes it ends up being a total disaster! Not because of any other reason but that I do not know what is coming next and if I don't know what is coming next, than neither does anyone else (because Josh is organizationally challenged so I know he doesn't have a clue). We wouldn't from the outside look like we were fumbling like idiots but on the inside I just KNOW we are outside the plan and I'm totally out of (oh, shoot I cannot use the word control here) sync with the original plan. Like I said, when people aren't involved what I want to have happen is no problem, it just so happens that for the most part people are involved!

Not to beat a dead horse but in my recent "friend" situation I've come to a realization. (I'm assuming by all the inquiries on facebook, the phone and email that no one is tired of hearing about this!) A realization that no matter how much I plan things, other people have a plan too. I've been in turmoil surrounding this situation and (I'm admitting this out loud) feel absolutely out of control. My desire is to help my friend even with all the pushes against this. Unfortunately for me, I have come to the realization that this one is just really not up to me. No matter how much I do, if he isn't wanting my help, forgiveness, understanding, resources, etc. then I am just as good as an umbrella in a flash flood. All my effort would turn out to be meaningless and just a waste of every one's time. My "plan" to help and be someone he could turn to on a rough day and seeing that he continued to fight the battle he has ahead of him was clearly not his plan. Boy, what a hard reality for Josh to beat into my ....I mean...for me to finally realize on my own. Good that I have such a great hubby who stands behind me, encouraging me to see things for what they really are.

Enlightened!
(.....continued from previous post)
Some times in life you will be picked up and turned in a new direction without ever even realizing it's happened. Other times you are totally aware that "Wow, this will be a pivotal moment in my life!". While still numerous other occasions you are left thinking "this will change me, I just don't know how yet". Right now, I've been left in the dust somewhere in the middle of the ladder two emotions.

Thursday my friends supposed flight came in around 2:15. He had insisted on renting a car, although we had extended use of our vehicles for them to use while they were in town. We were planning on meeting for dinner and then heading back to our house where we'd settle down for the night. My kids had school on Friday and the meeting that was bringing he and his wife into town in the first place was occurring on Friday and I had assumed after a long day of travel they'd be tired anyway. I received a text at about 2:30 our time from him stating that his layover had been extended 2 hours due to mechanical issues on the plane and that they were on their way and would be landing about 5 our time. I asked if they were still up for dinner and he replied yes they would be and that his daughter was sleeping and should be in a good mood upon arrival. We discussed the plan for him to call when he had the rental car and I'd leave the house so that we'd arrive at dinner around the same time. After a few banters back and forth by each of us he explained the flight attendant was getting on him and he needed to power off his phone. That was the last I heard from him!

At around 5:30 I shot a text to him asking if they'd arrived. At around 6 I decided to pick Josh up from the office just so we'd be ready when he called. At about 6:30 Josh and I checked the flights from the airline he was flying and saw that everything was due to arrive on time. Periodically we tried calling and his phone was still off. I resorted to the fact that maybe the flight left there at 5 and he would be arriving at 7. When 7:45 came and went, I had a fleeting thought that maybe his cell phone had died and information only had our home number so we'd better get back to the house. After checking caller ID I realized that was not the case and I'd better feed my starving kids. We went out to dinner fully expecting for he and his family to meet up with us and for us to have to apologize for starting without them. After getting the kids to bed around 9 and explaining (as I had been doing for the past 3 hours) that "this is just not like him". I started to panic. We called every hospital, tried to get information from the airlines, contacted the police department and finally decided to call it a night at about 11 pm. Clearly, everything possible was running through my head! I was deflated and left wondering "Was this all fake?".

Yesterday, Josh and I went into P.I. mode! Since Josh had taken the day off of work to be with our guests, we had plenty of time to spend uncovering the truth. Our findings were both shocking and disappointing to me. The first and easiest thing to do was look him up on MYspace and sure enough he had and account and sure enough it stated he was single, worked for a totally different company, and had no child! I found the pictures of his supposed wife (boy would she be surprised to know she has a facebook account and she's married) who probably doesn't even know who this guy is! Like I said before this was devastating to me! Why had he lied? Why had he contacted me after 14 years? Why hadn't he kept up the lie and said they missed the flight or that they got sick. Had that happened I never would have questioned and searched for the truth. The more I thought about it, the more I was searching for the motive!

To me, it wasn't good enough to say he had "turned into a whack job" as my husband so eloquently put it. I knew that! For me, however, I needed to hear more than just that. I needed the motive. I needed the "why". Really any excuse would do because I knew this was so out of character. I know it sounds crazy, but I knew in order for him to have become such a "whack job" he had to be hurting and in good conscience I couldn't walk away from that. I sent him an email letting him know that I had uncovered these lies and so far I haven't received a response.

Last night I got the answer to my search of motive. Last night I cried for my friend who I knew was hurting. Last night I explained grace and friendship to my kids. Last night I was enlightened by the fact that what I once knew as pure is not eternal. Last night it was made clear again that addictions hold captive our good intentions. Most of all I learned that my search for things like meaning,acceptance and purpose are all relative to who I choose to keep company. I know I have a purpose in my friends life and I intend on making myself ever present to him until that purpose is fulfilled.

Searching!!!
If I were to ever write a book I think the title would be Searching. It seems like in life (at leaste in mine) that I am always searching for something. Searching for shoes, searching for reasons, searching for emotions, searching for keys, searching for kids, searching for friends, searching for purpose, searching for acceptance, searching for an easy way, searching for money, searching for revenge, searching for an open mind, searching for understanding, searching for grace, searching for adventure, searching for time, searching for peace, searching for fun, searching for words, searching for memories....I really could go on and on about it, although right now what is important is that I am searching for a motive.

I really fell short on blogging regularly because I had gotten into this "facebook rut". I was honestly having so much fun seeing every one's lives being played out before me on the computer screen each and every minute of the day. Sometimes I was given the insight that maybe, just maybe someone had a tougher battle in life than I did. Sometimes I saw that some people never change! Sometimes I saw the raw truth. The best part of facebook, though is just recouping old friendships that had been pushed to the side for one reason or another.

One friendship in particular I was overjoyed to have reconnected with. You see, when I was just 8 years old this friendship started on the school playground with a secret, moved to a kiss, followed by a punch and onto an understanding of loyalty and pure commitment. This friendship lasted even through a two state move, where every break we visited and weekly letters were received with complete joy by both of us. Never was this a love affair although we are opposite sexes. When we lost touch 14 years ago because I was getting in the groove of married life and he was joining the military, I knew in my heart that someday we would pick up where we left off.

Back in August we did just that! I had been on facebook several months when I received his friend request. Obviously I accepted and called Josh talking 100 miles a minute so he too could share in this joy. Since August we've talked weekly by phone and facebooked or emailed several times daily. We shared stories of family and our twists and turns of life. Just so happens he lives in Texas were Josh is on business frequently so we talked of getting together for dinner sometime. About a month ago his life happened to be bringing him back to Colorado, so clearly I opened our home to he and his family. Dates were set, plane tickets were purchased and for the previous month all we've talked about was what we'd be doing on this long weekend visit.

Yesterday was the day of arrival, met with sheer anticipation and excitement on my part. Over the years and especially in the last couple of months the kids and Josh have heard childhood stories of this friendship and I was thrilled for them to put a name with the face and to finally meet the wife and daughter he talked so highly of. Funny thing is.....he never showed up! Yep, you read that right...HE NEVER SHOWED UP! I know why to!
(to be continued.....)

What is That Smell?
About a year after Mikael and Kayela started living in our house we started to smell
some wretched stench every time Kayela was around. We'd smell her armpits, her buns, her neck...I mean you name it, we were smelling it. We tried to no avail to find the "stink" radiating from our child. I'd scrub her several times while giving her a bath. I started using adult deodorant soap on her baby skin. I started using powder in her diapers. I mean she just stunk like I cannot even begin to describe and yet we couldn't really pin point where it was coming from. Finally, I came to the conclusion that it was her breath and not only would I scrub her teeth several times a day with mint and baking soda toothpaste but I'd sometimes just hand her a toothbrush with the paste on it to sit and suck on. It was so bad that I made several appointments with our pediatrician who agreed she smelled horrid but he himself couldn't pinpoint why and went with my assumption of bad breath. I tried several homeopathic type things that supposedly cured bad breath, and yet my little three year old still wreaked. Our family and friends would come over and because they weren't used to the smell would be blown away by it and some even would tell her to go brush her
teeth. It was pretty sad and yet at the same time it was so awful that you couldn't help but try to get rid of the stink. This went on for months and months until a good friend of mine was at her hairdresser one day. I don't recall how it came up but Kayelas stink worked it's way into my friends conversation with her hairdresser. The man sitting next to her just happened to be a doctor and overheard her conversation about my stinky child and immediately said "It's her nose, somethings in her nose" and with that my friend called me to see if I wanted to check it out. I most certainly did and made an appointment with our pediatrician again. (Imagine me on the phone with the receptionist "yes, I need an appointment with the doctor, my child smells! yes, yes, she's been seen for this before") Sure enough Kayela had been storing the fuzzy from blankets, sweaters, pillows, etc. in her nose! It was rotting in there and you have no idea how bad it smelled when the doctor pulled out about 3-4 cotton ball sized fuzzies from her nose. It was so bad that all the other kids were gagging! (you know it stinks if kids gag) The room immediately smelled like a much, much stronger version of what we'd been smelling for the past several months! The doctor was amazed and each of us adults were trying to hold Kayela down without throwing up all over the room. Once we calmed her down from the trauma of pinning her on a table and reaching clear into her nose with tweezers, Josh picked her up and she took a giant sniff of his armpits. She then blurted out "you smell so good daddy!" Oh my gosh can you even imagine smelling that stink for as long as she had? Everyone in her presence had thought she smelled awful and yet she had front row seats 24/7!!! For weeks she walked around sniffing her nose in the air smelling and saying "that smells so good!".

Here's the catch...in a mega family like ours, once you are tagged as the "stinky one" you forever are blamed for every smell that crosses the room. I think probably on a weekly basis I will smell something we just can't quite put our finger on and call her over to peek up her nose. So, today when she was eating lunch and I kept smelling some awful smell around her I did my weekly sneak peek but found nothing. Then I remembered I had thrown some cooked cabbage away in the kitchen garbage can last night that I probably should have put out in the garage. Poor Kayela, I wonder if when she's at school and the teacher or one of the kids say "EEWWW...something stinks!" her heart races just a little bit faster?

Treadmill
I just realized that it has been five weeks since I last blogged!! Even when I went to sign in to add a post, my computer had forgotten who I was. Good thing I was having a good moment and could remember who I was all by myself.

I am at this strange place in life at the moment, that everything I look at seems to be "unfinished". Basically, my life is like running on a treadmill. Ya know, I keep going and yet I really never get anywhere!

For starters, our adoption for Tait is moving along at a snails pace. Their are still no "guarantees" that we will be his forever family but we are so hopeful that it hurts. I have told Josh he may need to start a new career in Mexico and to be keeping an eye out for opportunities just in case we must run for the boarder! I'm not so sure hiding out with seven kids will be an easy task but I am very creative and our kids are so adaptable.

To top it off my kids are in some sort of a rut where I think they are playing a really cruel joke on me. I am almost sure that they got together one evening while I was out and decided to do something over, and over and they are testing how long it will be before I need to be admitted to the psychiatric hospital. Really, I can totally predict each and every day what I will be saying to each of my kids! It goes something like this:

"Mihya get your dog"
"Kaidon, did you brush your teeth?"
"Emma, get on your soccer stuff"
"Graysie, quit looking over your glasses, look through them"
"Mikael, why are you crying?"
"Kayela, you do not ALWAYS need to be talking"

I could put those few phrases on a recording and just hit "repeat" and it would be fitting at any given point of the day. It is crazy how all of a sudden everything I am saying seems to be on their short term memory section of their brains.

Oh, well, I'm just going to keep running on this crazy treadmill of life and hopefully at some point someone will pull the emergency stop for me so I can take a break. Unlike, real treadmills, I'm thankful that eventually I will get off and somehow realize I've made it somewhere!

Bus Missed
First of all let me tell you, I am so grateful or my seven children and their sometimes idiotic behaviour. Yes, their behaviour coupled with mine makes this blog possible on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis.

Our morning adventure starts at 6 a.m. with all five of the little kids getting up, ready for school, breakfast eaten and chores complete by the 7:24 bus arrival. It is our first year experiencing the bus and so far so good. The kids love the social time with their newly made friends and although last week we had two near misses with them and the bus, nothing happened quite like it did this morning. You see, after they are picked up Emma has a whole 24 min. before her bus arrives to get her to school. Her school seems to be eons away from our house in the middle of nowhere and therefore I am absolutely sure that she is ready and waiting on time. A task not too daunting considering she has an extra 24 min. (almost a half of an hour for those of you not clear on this) to catch her bus. Typically this is the time I sit down and do one of the many "made for t.v." hairdo's she's got waiting for me up her sleeve. Today, however, I was midway through loading the dishwasher when the little kids walked out the door and while finishing up, Emma and I chatted. Near the end of my loading and her chatting I noticed her hair wasn't brushed out after her shower. I let her know that she needed to do that before I started at work on her hair. Off she went to brush out her hair when Tait started to get fussy. I tried to occupy his starving self with his exersaucer and toys while Emma brushed and watched. Finally, giving that idea up I told her to hold him while I did her hair. Glancing at the time, I noticed we only had 10 min. and proceeded to ask her what the style was going to be today. She told me three french braids on the top of her head back into a messy pony tail. I start to work parting and braiding. and get about halfway through one braid when in comes Liz and baby Paisley (great name huh?) who I am watching. I have a brief conversation with Liz before she's out the door and look at the clock. OK, I have 2 french braids to go and only 5 min. I think to myself "fast fingers, Hunt!" I mean c'mon that's doable right? I'm all warmed up from doing 3 other girls hair already this morning, it should be NO PROBLEM! RIGHT? ....WRONG! I finish up right when I hear the bus pull away. OOPS! But oh well, their is only about a dozen other stops in our neighborhood, we'll just catch up to the bus I think to myself and tell Emma to grab a baby and her backpack and jump in my pimped out van! We load in about 3.4 seconds flat and barrel out of the driveway. I mean, we were so fast that P.D. had snuck in with us and I didn't realize it until we were on our way up the street. So far, I'm sure you're thinking it sounds like this is my personal retardation getting us into this mess and yes, maybe I have a big part in all this fiasco up until now but hold on, hold on keep reading I promise you this turns out to be one of those "kid things" that you just have to shake your head and wonder!

I have never ridden Emma's bus, I have not personally called the transportation center and asked for a route map and therefore, I have NO IDEA where the bus stops before it reaches it's destination at her school. So, I say to Emma "OK, tell me exactly (note the emphasis on the word exactly here) where your bus stops so I can drop you at one of the next stops". She says "OK, go up, up, up the hill here" as I drive she says "OK, there's a stop......here's another stop.....uuuhhh....that right there is another one....OK, turn here....." I'm thinking "good, god this bus driver drove fast to get that far ahead of us!" and I keep driving when I turned she said "oh, is that my bus? in the church parking lot?" I assume, with her wondering if that was her bus that for some reason it stops at the catholic church before heading out onto the main street, so I pull in just as she says "hmmm... wonder why it would stop here today!" SERIOUSLY?? I just pulled in here because you saw a bus, not because yours actually stops here on a daily basis? When I calmly say "Emma, c'mon tell me where your bus goes from here" she says "the saddle rock apartments" OK, those are quite a ways away and what I didn't mention before was that I am in no position to be driving all over town! Let me explain further....
number one: I am out of gas. After running errands for hours yesterday and Tait almost ready for a bottle I chose to go straight home with the thought in mind that the next outing I had I needed to leave 20 min. early to get gas. Obviously not knowing my next "outing" would be to chase down a school bus. Plus, in my hurry...I didn't bring my wallet!!!
number two: I wore Josh's pajama pants to bed last night... Uhh...think about that for a minute I am 4'11", he is 6'3" the pants are like two feet longer than I am and I have to cinch them up to get them to hang very loosely on my hips. It's not a fashion statement by any stretch, but they are very cozy!
number three:I have on a white tank top and no bra....NO BRA PEOPLE!
number four: In my mind I will be running out of gas and I realize I have two babies and a dog. No problem, if you have a leash and a stroller with you...but do I? OH NO, NO I absolutely DO NOT!
number five: I did not bring my cell phone with me. Well, that's really not a problem, Emma has hers right? UHHH...wrong! she left hers at the house too!

I'm sure I had a million other reasons why I should not be chasing a bus all over town, but those are the ones that are continually running through my head as my daughter is having me "tour" the surrounding areas on this fine Wednesday morning. Off I go down Arapahoe road...because that's where the next stop is remember? Remember, the next stop is in Saddle Rock? Wrong assumption AGAIN..because as I am sitting at the first traffic light thinking of all the ways this can be going from bad to worse Emma's bus pulls out of our neighborhood right behind me. WHAT? I say "Emma, I thought the next stop was at Saddle Rock?" she says "well ya...AFTER it hits the stops on that last street over there" OMG! So, now, I am going to run out of gas, with 2 babies and a dog, with pants that are two feet too long, without money or a bra and no cell phone to call for back-up because my tour guide is withholding information?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! As I verbalize this (in the calmest possible way) I notice Emma sitting way forward in her seat like this is a totally fun little adventure to her! I mention my frustration with the fact that she's acting like this is a "joyride" and yet, her baby brother is starving and now cranky, I'm in no position to be driving all over town and that this is absolutely not going to happen again and the next time....wait!......is she laughing at me? WHY, yes, she is! Needless to say, I was not happy with her by the time we got to the next bus stop and caught her bus. I did make it home without any of my worst nightmares coming true.

My plan for an uneventful, relaxing morning watching two babies play with toys while I sipped hot tea had turned into Mario Andretti vs. the school bus. I guess this is what makes life so appealing though isn't it?

"What Do You Drive?"
As I have said many times before, we are total Disney lover's! We love Disney so much that we have even gone on a couple of behind the scenes tours while visiting Disney World. It always cracks me up when they say that the number one asked question each day in Disney World is "when does the 3 o'clock parade start?". Funny to me and you,but I'm not so sure that the Disney cast members really think its very funny, especially those who have worked in the Parks for longer than... oh... say...A DAY!

I am not as crowded as Disney and absolutely not as fun as Disney but I too get asked a TON of questions! Some are really funny and I can't help but laugh at people, some are just absolutely rude and others are just plain getting old to me. If I was really witty I could pop off a few one liners but I am always so preoccupied that I just don't have time to sit down and write up a script of how I'm going to answer people should they ask ___________ question. Wish I did though, I'd love to see people's reactions. I'm sure most of you have seen the Pokemon cards for sale on eBay little ad that is absolutely snort laugh funny. For me, it's funny because it's true! I love it when she says "no, I just gathered up all the neighbor kids to bring with me because it's so much fun bringing six kids to the grocery store" her comeback from the question "are they all yours?". Can you imagine how people would react? I'm sure I wouldn't be winning any friends. I've often thought about saying "how 'bout this....you think about what you just asked me and if it still sounds logical when you've had a few moments to process it, at that point I will go ahead and answer you. I'm almost willing to bet though, that once you've thought about what you just asked me their will be no need for me to answer you!" Really people I would never take my daycare kids from Colorado to Disney World so don't ask if I run a daycare at the 3 o'clock parade on main street!

Josh and I actually love telling our story. It is a good time for us to share our life with people and especially people who are thinking about adoption. I will drop anything I have going on to talk about our experience with adoption. I get questions everywhere I go about having a big family, adoption, organization, laundry,etc. You name it I've probably been asked about it. I get questions from other adoptive moms who are struggling to bond. I love, love, love sharing things with people about our life even though some of the questions get old and my kids can recite the answers I give verbatim it still doesn't ever really bother me. A little common sense from people asking questions gives me more patience but I deal either way.

Like Disney, we do have one question that is asked at least a few times a day....drum roll please....."what DO you drive?" (I want to say a 2-seater Lexus just to see what people do but I'm sure that too would get old.) So, to answer the number one question I need to start out by telling you to read my older post "All or Nothing" and then proceed. So, here's how the story goes.....

Josh and a good friend decided to go to the car show. I knew I was in trouble the second the outing was mentioned to me. When Josh had a big conversion van pull into our driveway just to "show" me the next day, I really knew I was in for it! He waited awhile to actually order our van and when he did it was all over from there. You see, we ordered a "church" van. We had two brand new suburbans and yet my husband ordered me a CHURCH van! It was getting a little tight I have to admit. I could never have anyone help carpool because I couldn't even fit one extra child in our car. We were maxed out, I was freaking out and Josh was pimping out....our van that is. Yes, he had a company in Ft. Collins "pimp our church van". For weeks (that seemed like years) he kept calling me into his office our conversations would go something like this:
"Do you want them to put limo lighting in the van?"
I'd answer "Josh, I will be no part of this you do whatever you think we need"
You see, I knew if I decided even the smallest tweak that I was giving Josh the freedom to say "WE pimped our ride" to this day he cannot tell you WE made any decisions about the van. No, he has to say "I pimped our van".

So, for all you curious people out there...I drive a pimped out van! I have (3) 10" t.v.'s, custom leather seats, custom carpet, vacuums, flashlights, navigation, dog bed, custom paint job, refrigerator, limo lighting, rear back up cameras, and seats....lots and lots of seats. (I'm sure I'm forgetting things Josh will be so bummed I didn't mention too) Not only can we take one extra child for carpool but we can fit 5 extra people in our van and luggage for 14! Basically, I look like a drug dealer or better yet with all these kids I look like I run an orphanage.

What Luck, A Duck!

I used to read the kids this book called "What Luck, A Duck!" when they were younger. Basically, It's a book about this boy who is painting in his garage and he's really just not very good. Luckily for him this duck comes along and steps in his paint and low and behold, he now holds in his hands a masterpiece. It's not really a very good book but I liked it just because it rhymed and I'm a sucker for rhyming books. Tonight however we had a not so lucky encounter with a duck, but it is so freakin' hysterical that if I didn't share it, I'd be letting all of you down.

First of all Josh is out of town. I am beginning to think it would be in the best interest of our children if he would quit leaving me alone with them without his supervision, but I will discuss that with him later. Emma stayed home with the kids tonight while I attended Kindergarten back to school night. When I got home she had all the girls showered and waiting for me to do their hair (yes, I do their hair each evening to make my mornings run smoother). Because it was getting a little dark outside I hollered to my mom, who stayed with me last night to be some relief as I single parent this week, and asked her to be sure the dogs were in the house. Remember we live on land where we do have coyotes howling on our doorstep each night and I do not want a vet bill ...ur I mean, I love the dogs so much I am extremely anal about getting them in before the coyotes come out. I hear my mom hollering for P.D. and then I hear the kids start hollering for him. Kaidon starts yelling at him to come in and then Emma gets involved and starts trying to get him. Keep in mind, I am in the little girls bathroom doing hair while listening to the whole ordeal. Next thing I know I hear them talking about a duck. I know exactly what they are talking about because for the last couple of weeks we have had ducks visiting our ponds and I had seen them swimming several times while thinking to myself "it's good that P.D. is afraid to get in the water or he'd have those ducks dead by now" . Kaidon starts hollering and laughing saying "ahhh the duck! No, P.D.! come here! Get in the house! MOOOOMMMM! "I continue to do hair knowing that the kids I've raised are so intelligent that they will just naturally know to stay away from the wildlife and my mom is out there hollering for P.D. to get in the house too so I know they have adult supervision. I had a lot of faith..... until....Emma comes barelling through the house holding the collar of a muddy, wet, swamp smelling P.D.!

What happens next will both frighten you and leave you shaking your head in disbelief, I promise! I start telling Emma....ok, so I was screaming like a patient in a psycho ward but that is a minor detail in this story, a minor detail that really doesn't change the ending at all so just go with it! So, I was telling Emma to take the dog and put him in my shower quickly and DO NOT LET HIM GET ON MY BED!!!! Once he got in the shower (after getting him down off the bed twice and me finally taking over) I realize I need to be in there with him in order to get him clean. I jump in the shower (fully clothed....don't go there with me) and tell Kayela to hold the shower door closed so P.D. cannot escape while I hold the shower sprayer with one hand, his collar with another hand, the shampoo with another hand, help Kayela hold the door shut with my other hand, scrub every inch of P.D. with another hand, rinse him with my other hand, keep soap out of his eyes with my other hand and keep the water away from his ears with my other hand....you're getting the point right? It was chaos! What does Emma do? She takes pictures with her Iphone. (I would share the pictures she took but I didn't have a free hand to hold up my pants and therefore you'd be looking at things I am just not willing to share with blog readers at this time). What does Kayela do? She opens the shower door and lets the dog out! Once I got the soaking wet dog off my bed again I start to wonder why I haven't seen Kaidon or my mom yet since the whole purpose was to bring the dog in and he was clearly in the building.

That's when I hear it! I swear I hear my mom say "Kaidon, put the duck down" and I know right then and there that this is trouble with a capital "T"! Being the calm person that I am around wild creatures I quickly run to rescue my mom from whatever my son is doing with a duck. I follow their voices to the garage and come upon the scene: my mom holding a hockey stick, Kaidon in his tighty-whities and crocs, dog food (bait) all over the floor and they are both looking for something behind the refrigerator and freezer. My mom says "I told him to put the duck down, and he did, in the garage and now it's behind here" She jabs the hockey stick in the small opening and Kaidon is standing about 10 feet away looking at me shrugging his shoulders as if to say "oops!" I walk out closer to Kaidon and just about that time the duck peeks it's head out and I start uncontrollably screaming like I am being chased by a mass murderer! I swear I don't know what comes over me but as much as I tell myself I am going to be brave and calm, when the thing looks at me with beady eyes I can't help but want to curl up in a fetal position and suck my thumb! After I am done screaming Kaidon says "It's OK, Manny" ....huh? My mom says "who is Manny?" Kaidon says proudly "my pet duck" I say "we named it? We are NOT keeping that duck as a pet!" The whole time my mom is trying to get "Manny" out from behind the fridge and the whole time I shriek every time I see a feather or webbed foot peek out. "Grab it, Kaidon" my mom says each time "Manny" comes out from hiding and each time he chickens out. He then proceeds to tell us "it's scary!" WHAT?? Isn't this the kid who just picked a duck up out of the pond, named it "Manny" and plopped it down in my garage? Since it clearly didn't make sense we ask for clarification and Kaidon tells us "Manny's turned into a mad man!" I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard! The "pet" duck is now a mad man!

We never did get "Manny" out of the garage. No, actually, we were so preoccupied by the fact that Kaidon called him a "mad man" that somehow "Manny" escaped without a trace. I've searched high and low and no sign of him anywhere. I am ready though for the reappearance of "Mad Man Manny", I just know the thing is going to pop out when I least expect it and scare me to death!

Thanks to Emma, we did get a picture of Kaidon with Manny.....before he turned into a "mad man".

Middle School or Bust!

It's come to the day that I am going to have to get sappy on everyone! I know, I know you've been waiting and the time is finally here.

My baby girl EmmaLeigh starts middle school tomorrow. I can't believe that 11 (almost 12) years ago I held my baby girl in my arms and promised her that I would love and protect her and now I am sending her into the pit of middle school! No, I actually loved middle school and just seeing how her "trial day" went on Friday I am ready for Emma to love this part of her life. I thought it was a great time to share some of Emma's great moments up until this point in her life, enjoy!:

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Emma:

You are such an awesome part of each and every one of my days. I love that you love life to the fullest. One of your greatest assets is that you have compassion and concern for those that enter your life, and you seek to serve others before you think about serving yourself. When I imagined what my children would be like, never did I fathom having someone as fun, beautiful and giving as you are. You make me want to be a better person myself and I know that as you get older you will seize to amaze me with each new chapter of your life. I am proud to say that you are the one who made my dream of "mommy" a reality! I love you and know that you will bless many people!

"DO SOMETHING GREAT LOUIE!":)

I Love you,

Mom

Guilty!!
I don't know how many years ago, I read a book called "Motherhood, the guilt that keeps on Giving". At the time, it was a pretty low key book for me. I really didn't have any guilt. I really didn't see myself EVER even feeling guilty. It's not that I didn't get anything out of the book, I did. It had some really great information. I've recommended it often and I know it has probably helped many a mommies get over some hurdles. Today, for the first time in my 11 year's of motherhood, I feel guilty!

Funny because the reason I am in this "guilty state" is because I made a decision that I know will be best for our family in the long run. It stems back to our move several months ago. You see, we had lived in our old neighborhood for 8 years. One house for 6 years and our last house for 2. When we moved after our 6 year stay we downsized drastically and left our neighbors we absolutely adored. It was OK because we were still staying in our same school and upgrading with a pool and a beautiful yard, among other things. It gave us opportunity to let Josh pursue his dream..... so it was worth it. When we made this last move however, we've changed EVERYTHING! The reason? Well, many, but the main one is that with Emma changing to middle school and it being traditional and our old Elementary school being year round we had like 2 weeks that we could all be off together. It doesn't sound that bad until you figure in how long we have kids in school. Seriously, when Tait starts school Kayela will be going into 5Th grade! (gasp! for affect) So, for the next oh...say...40 years we'll be juggling schedules! Not happening! It's just insane to me. Makes sense with the family of 4 who is juggling 2 or 3 years but not us!

When we moved we had only a couple areas that we felt "worthy" of having our children...(pause for laughter).... Oh, and a school that was on a traditional schedule. When we chose our current neighborhood it was because the school is rated so high and has a great track record in our district. It has highly experienced teachers and has been around since dirt. After today at registration, I still feel GREAT about our school choice. I just feel like the worst mom in the world for moving my poor kiddos, not only from their neighborhood (where we brought 4 of our babies home to) but their friends, school, neighbors, etc. you name it the guilt is there over it! They were so nervous and Mihya was holding back tears the whole time. I began to think "what if Kaidon turns into more of an introvert?", "what if someone is mean to them and no one knows them to help them be defended","What if there was a real emergency, and they can't even look and find a familiar face". I know I've mentioned I am not a crier and I'm still not but I almost..sniff, sniff....shed a tear today. REALLY! Emma even asked "who are you?" as I was talking about this emotional transition. Do not get me wrong, I am confident we have done the "right" thing, it just doesn't mean today was easy on me, and it may get worse before it gets better(for God's sake they are riding a bus. A BUS! I've always walked or driven them to school! I only have 2 more days before they start this new chapter).

The catcher! Here's the catcher! I DID NOT MAKE THIS DECISION ALONE! So why is it, that as a mommy, I am feeling so guilty? It's really, quite frankly, insane! Crazy thing is, we all do this too! How many times have you heard a mom in turmoil over something while the decisions leading up to the turmoil were not her decisions alone? For me, I have talked many friends off of ledges over decisions they made with a spouse or decisions that were made that were totally out of their control that they now feel guilt over. Now, you see, it is my turn on the ledge and I am so glad that I remember reading that book and can go find it somewhere (if you're reading this and happen to be the person I lent it to, please bring it to me. Because although I remember reading the book I can't for the life of me remember who I loaned it to!) . Seriously, why is it so hard when I know the kids and our family will be better for this in the long run? Maybe the answers lie in the book I read so long ago. Maybe this is just part of the whole "motherhood" deal. Who knows? All I know is that my new mission is to FIND THAT BOOK!

School Shopping

Well, I tried to come up with a really creative title for this post and their just isn't any creative way to describe our evening out with all seven kids for school supply shopping. I know I probably sound like a broken record when I say we are like our own walking circus, but we really are! It is crazy how many people stare at us and comment loud enough for us to hear. ( I do not want to be bitter about it, but seriously people c'mon shut your traps until you are in the privacy of your own ignorant worlds! Oh, and by the way Asian children are not the only children who get adopted!) Being that it is just a week before the kids will be going back to school, we decided to get organized and shop for the kids supplies. What you have to understand, is that being a mom of seven would NOT work for me if I was not totally anal. No, I have most everything planned out. As a matter of fact Josh teases me about vacationing by telling people I know what he will be ordering for dinner at each meal and who our waiter/waitress needs to be. It's not really that bad, but it is pretty close! Anyway, I had each child grab a shopping basket and go at it. I read off the lists according to their grade level, had them show me the item so I could cross it off their designated list, and in just 2 short chaotic hours (that felt like an eternity) we had school supplies.

It is hysterical how the different personalities shop for supplies. Clearly, our kids have so many different personalities and it just shines through in our daily life. Yep, here's how it went with each of them:

EmmaLeigh: Although she looks just like me, she is her daddy to the very core. She was pretty much only concerned with a backpack that would be able to hold her iPhone! I don't even know if she knows that school is for learning, not socializing.

Kaidon: This is MY boy! He is very meticulous about what he will be choosing for his year of academics. He over analyzes each item and wants to see the list himself (just in case me, his incompetent mother, may have misread the information). Then he needs to know "why" the particular item is needed so that he can best make the selection.

Mihya: She is all about feelings! She wants to be sure she isn't leaving out the paper folders when choosing to go plastic. If she needs spiral notebooks, she is worried that the composition notebooks will still be on the shelf long after the school supply shoppers have left the building. If she chooses a folder with a dog on it, she wants everyone to know it is not because she doesn't like cats, no, it is because she just likes dogs better. Not better in a bad way, just better, or maybe she should get the cat ones since she has a dog......and on and on and on!

Graysie:This girl is all about the style! She choose every folder around the outfits that she has at home in her closet! She needs to "look" the part. She doesn't care if the list says only crayola markers, if Roseart has a better color in the box she will deal with the repercussions of a disappointed teacher later!

Mikael: Oh, Mikael! He is going to be an engineer! Enough said? Everything had to coordinate and fit perfectly together in a methodical way. If something was off then he was starting over from the top! No blue notebooks? Then all the items in his basket needed to be switched out for red!

Kayela:This trip was not even about school supplies to her! Nope, it was all about approval. If someone said her choice was strange then she was trading out for something they approved of. She is a pleaser through and through. Don't like the folder I chose? Should get the other one?....OK! This girl played out how her friends (that she has yet to meet mind you) will respond when they see each item she has chosen.

It's really entertaining living with so many different personalities.