PUtTinG My neCk OUt ThEre!

So, I'm doing something really nutty.

I'm doing something that I never in a million years would have seen myself doing.

I'm doing something so outrageously out of character that I may even shock all of you!

I'm going on a trip.......ALONE!

Ok, so I wont end up alone but I am packing up, leaving my family and then meeting up with a slew of other moms who I've never physically met. Go ahead and reread that last line. Yes, you are understanding me right, I have never met any of these women (ok, so I know one of them but not real well and not until I moved did we know we had such a big part of our lives in common) and I am going to go spend 4 days with them. It all started last year and you can read all about their story here but being that I am so totally jealous I wasn't part of the "original Orlando RAD moms club", I am not going to dwell on last year. I can play that bratty kid role well and I know that all these moms can handle it too, considering what they are dealing with on a daily basis! Although, as much as I am planning on holding a grudge, I am just way too excited to be able to pull that one off!

Anyway, in March (just 189 days, 4,536 hours,a little over 6 months, 27 weekends, or however you choose to see it) I will be meeting up with a circle of moms from all over the U.S. We are meeting in Orlando, very little of us know each other or anything about one another. We found each other through our blogs or you tube videos and what we do know is that we GET IT, which is invaluable in this fight we are fighting. Most of us have RAD kids and as much as we appreciate and love our everyday friends and family, their is nothing like looking at someone in the eyes who knows exactly what you are going through. Who doesn't judge us for our words or actions but respects us for continuing to keep our heads above water and not fleeing from our duties. Who, when you say "ugghhhh, this person criticized me to my face like I am the crazy one!" look at you and say "They just don't know like we know!" It's going to be refreshing, It's going to be uplifting and I am going to leave knowing that on my hard days when even my closest friends don't have any words of comfort for me, that these moms will! I'm looking so forward to it that I can hardly stand myself!

I will leave my house, after packing just one suitcase. Drive down to Orlando, where I am meeting up with these mammas. Stay for four nights in a Villa we rented where we will eat, drink and talk, talk, talk and talk. Get back in my car and drive back home. On the surface it doesn't sound like much, but I am sure it will be a life changer for me! Plus, doesn't it just seem like a big 'ole sorority? I mean c'mon, two houses full of women who have nothing in common but three little letters! That is a sorority if I have ever heard a sorority described! Hmmmm....that makes me think I need to make up some t-shirts.....how sad, these poor women have no idea who they are dealing with!

I'M HERE TO ACCEPT MY AWARD!!!

Remember a few posts back when I was saying I could totally play up the whole driving to Denver with seven kids bit? Remember how I said I could go for the "mom of the year" award or the "world's most adventurous" mom award but that it would be a total scam? Remember how I said I could just pass on that because it wasn't really that bad? Well, can I retract that? Ya see, I need one of those awards right now because of what an awful mommy I was on Wednesday.

Let me clarify........

It wasn't the fact that on Wednesday morning, the first day of the school year, Kayela woke up with a "tummy ache" and I told her she'd be fine. NO, it didn't have to do with that at all. It wasn't even the fact that it was the first day and I was so thrilled that I was going to finally have a whole day to myself that I plopped those kids on the bus and said that I was sure the front desk staff at school would be there to help them find their classrooms. It wasn't because by 6:12 a.m. I had already raised my voice and lost my patience with my oldest son who was taking his sweet old time in the shower. Then, when Kayela actually threw up and I told her to eat some dry cereal because milk would upset her stomach even more and it would be embarrassing to throw up on the first day of school (all the while thinking "I am not rescheduling my much needed pedicure and hair appt), that couldn't be why either. I couldn't have felt like a horrible mom because before I sent the 5 youngest out the door for the day I had already grounded 2 of them...for life! After telling the other kids that obviously Kayela was just really excited and that's why she was throwing up and that it had nothing to do with being sick (which truly turned out to be the case...phew!) not even THAT is why I felt like the world's worst mom. NOPE not any of those things had me tagged for "world's worst mom"....it was much worse than any of that normal "mommy guilt".

For reasons so much more in depth than anyone wants to hear about on the blog, Emma started another new school this year. On the orientation day she was babysitting so couldn't join me and then when her schedule wasn't quite ready and I had to go back the next day she was babysitting again, so again couldn't go with me. Therefore, on Wednesday, the first day of school when Emma was "the new kid" for the third time in two school years when she hadn't even seen the inside of her new school this is where the "horrible mom" award would start to unfold!

At this point Emma is at a school that is out of our neighborhood zone so I am her new bus driver. By the time this bus was leaving, as you have just read, I had already had a full morning of chaos. More than that, I had a full day of "All About Me" that I wanted to get started and so I was just not really in the mood to be dealing with kids and their needs. Anyway, we rushed out the door, because that's just how we roll! In the car I am distracted and trying to dodge traffic and take the best route and all the while I have my big 7th grader who is sweating bullets! She is a nervous wreck to say the least. I know she's great in social situations and she did just fine when we moved and she started at her last school so I tell her ....well....basically I tell her to get over the drama and suck it up! (strike one) Next, as we actually pull up to the school my big girl mentions that maybe I should walk her in the doors because she never did get that schedule we needed and therefore she HAS NO CLUE WHERE SHE'S GOING ONCE SHE WALKS THROUGH THE BIG SCARY DOORS......well ...I show her all the really "nerdy" looking kids with their moms and ask her if that's really the impression she'd like to give on her first day of a brand new school and I all but physically shove her out of the "bus". (strike two) I went about my leisurely day just fine. Obviously, I thought about the kids throughout the day and said some muttled prayers of "make them love their day and teachers" but I didn't really stop and think about all that had transpired that morning until I was sitting in a little cafe all by myself eating lunch. Then I started thinking!

I started thinking of how big and scary that middle school is just like this new city we live in. I started thinking about how lonely it must be for her to not get those reassuring glances as she walks through the hallways from the people she knows just as it is for me as I walk into my new surroundings. I started thinking about how she is only 12 and I threw her into a big situation of having to self advocate for her schedule and homeroom class when I would so lean on Josh to help me get what I need. I started thinking about how I so totally fumble around this new city because nothing is familiar to me and that is what she is having to do in the hallways of that giant school. I started thinking about how she was totally distraught over the fact that her uniform wasn't fitting the way she wanted it to so she didn't feel confident and how it makes me feel when I meet new people when I am less than confident about my looks. I started to look around at all the women who were smiling, laughing together and talking about life at lunch in the cafe I was sitting alone at and was sick that she too may be eating alone. Then I realized she had not been sure she wanted to bring her packed lunch I had made for her because she wasn't sure what the "protocal" would be and I had forgotten to give her money....and she was so nervous she didn't want to eat breakfast...and now I was overindulging in a panini! (strike three, four, five, and countless others.....basically...I'M OUT!!)

How sad is it that I didn't really stop what I was caught up in during the morning to see that my girl had countless needs I should have met? Instead, I ignored and brushed them off as mere "complaints". I was a terrible mom. I could have eased her transition and uncomfort and yet I didn't stop to think about how hard this would be for her until I realized how hard it has been for me. Why is it that sometimes what my kids say is meaningless until it affects me? How selfish is that? UGGGHHHH!!! It wasn't a pretty moment for me. So, I'm thinking had I begged for the really great mom awards before that now when I should have been presented with that really awful award that maybe, just maybe they could cancel each other out? Maybe?

Oh....and for all of you concerned not with me but my girl....SHE LOVED SCHOOL AND HAD A GREAT DAY!!!

Another Year Gone!

Nothing says "another year has passed" much more than the start of yet another school year. Right now my office is over crowded with six stuffed, zipper bulging, backpacks; a tell tale sign that the lazy days of summer are over and we are back into the hustle of our race against the clock.

As I sit here and think back about this past year I am baffled at all the things that our family has experienced. Not just experienced either, no, what this family has triumphantly risen to the occasion and greeted with open arms and challenged ourselves to see and do better and bigger than our wildest imaginations would allow.

In the past year:

• We have gone from conquering fourteeners to strolling along the beach.
• Emma went from struggling in Math in grade school to acing honors Math and Science in middle school.
• We went from a family of 8 to a family of 9 and then back to a family of 8.
• We went from being surrounded with familiar faces and places to only recognizing 7 other faces in a whole new world.
• I went from having no peace and quiet to 6+ hours a day of silence (it's not as golden as I thought it would be)
• We went from using a bottle of lotion a month to not understanding what you'd need with lotion unless it has some really phenomenal bug repellent associated with it
• Kaidon went from baseball to tennis
• We went from waking up and putting on our favorite outfits to waking up and making sure the uniform was cleaned
• We've gone from worrying we'll be late to wondering when people will actually roll around to showing up
• We've gone from merging into traffic to wondering what is going on when we are not the only car on the road
• We've gone from non-denominational to baptist (only some of you will understand what a "change" that is)
• Kayelas gone from 2 hours of school to a whole day away
• We've gone from tennis shoes to flip flops
• We've gone from coyotes to alligators and rabbits to tree frogs
• The girls have gone from long hair to bobs
• We've gone from deodorant on sale to clinical strength needing to be reapplied several times a day
• The kids have gone from being in the same school k-5 to being "the new kid"...... twice
• PC to MAC
• Graysie's gone from the doggy paddle to winning second in two swim meets
• Not having a clue why it's so frustrating to understanding RAD
• From coats, gloves and hats to rain gear
• Tardy slips to "no rush"
• Dieting to exercise (god forbid I try both at once)
• Mumbling Mikael to "PLEASE lower your voice"
• Soccer to golf, tennis, swimming and lacrosse
• Fun nights out with friends to great week long visits
• Josh focused only on me to the IPAD (heehee j/k ...but not really)
• Facebook being fun to it being crucial to staying in touch
• "home"
• Mihya has gone from princess to Southern Belle
• Proud to be an American to PRIDE in BEING an AMERICAN
• Having manners to actually having manners
• Sitting on the bench at recess if homework wasn't turned in to running laps and dropping and giving the teacher 20
• rain to RAIN! (aka torrential down pour)
• We've gone from Josh struggling to pull people along to Josh being pulled along by great people
• We've gone from "should we move?" to "this was the best move!"

The list could go on forever, really. To say we've gone through some major changes would be an understatement and yet, at the end of the day, we haven't really changed all that much! Hopefully, at the beginning of the school year next year my list is shorter and I can relish in the fact that we made it through at least one year of marriage and parenthood without such chaotic bliss. Although, if this coming year is a replay of the past 15 we'll still be holding tight to the fact that we are family, we are united and we are powering through because we know this life has big things in store for us. Here's looking forward to another fun-filled year!

Colorado Fun!

Thought this would be the best way to share some of the highlights of our trip.

Enjoy!

This free scrapbook customized with Smilebox

YOU DON'T KNOW, WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW!

I dropped my boy off exactly one week ago today. It was hard. It was really, really hard!

I loved our visit with him and getting to see his personality shining. I loved every time his arms raised up to me in an attempt to get me to hold him.

I loved each grunt and grumble in his effort to communicate. I loved how he loves jumping and how he thinks he can run fast.

I loved his yawns when he was trying to convince us that he wasn't tired. I love how he approaches things stead fast and confident. I love how he smiles when he knows he's going to do something naughty.

I love how he took my napkin each time we ate so he could wipe his mouth and follow-up with a good nose blowing. I love how he gets absolutely out of control hyper just before he crashes into a deep slumber. I love how he works the crowd, flutters his great big eye lashes and says "uh-oh" when he throws something he shouldn't. I love how he smirks when he is trying not to smile for the camera.

I love how he out performs the grand prize winner of the "cutest baby contest" . I loved how he looked behind the computer when we Ichatted Josh thinking he'd be there. I love how he grunts "uh-uh" when he's pointing at something and you guess the wrong thing. I love how his eyes fill with tears when he's in a gut wrenching laugh.

I love how he tries to be brave when he is a bit nervous. I love how his whole face shows how sad he is. I love how he keeps a great poker face when strangers come to ooh and aah over him. But best of all...ya wanna know what I love best of all? I loved that when I picked him up from daycare on that very first day of that very first visit from the very last time I'd seen him and he heard my voice from across the room; he came running with his arms out, that's what I love most! After six months of not seeing me, he still knew that I was there for him and that I would pick him up when he came running and hold him and take in his baby smell and be in complete bliss and total awe of that sweet, sweet baby boy!

Nothing could have been more perfect.

Then, for many more visits than I could have ever expected, we got to see our little man in action. We laughed and played and ran ourselves ragged pleasing his highness. We remembered how it was needing to be quiet for naps and remembering a diaper bag and folding up a stroller. We fought over who got to change diapers (only because it means alone time with the greatest one year old on the planet). Who got to hold him.

Who got to dress him and buckle his car seat and push his stroller and carry him and feed him and sit by him.

Yes, we each wanted our share of time with him, even though we all knew that in the end, no amount of time would be enough time for any of us.

Then a week ago today the dreaded time came for us to take him back to his house with his birth mommy who was anxiously waiting. Nothing could have prepared this momma for how hard it would be to say "see ya soon big guy" and to turn and walk out that door.

I held up until birth mom turned to my biggest girl and said "boy, your mama wont let those emotions out will she?" and I lost it. I can confidently say I lost it.....because this time I know! I know how long that drive feels when you're driving away from something so important. I know how long those days feel when you should be busy chasing down a rowdy boy but you're not. I know how missed his voice is. I know how big he gets. I know how much he grows and learns and experiences without us.

I know how wonderful his birth mom is at putting her pride aside and acknowledging that we loved her boy to the fullest and that's all she needs to know to want us to continue to be a part of his life. I know that I could be having him for special dates but I'm just too far away now. I know just way to much to be as calm as I was when I dropped him off in January.

Needless to say, when I pulled away from Denver last Wednesday morning I was torn. I wanted desperately to get back to the man I have leaned on for the past fifteen years of life. I wanted to be home, to the place where my life is waiting for me. Yet, I could not stop thinking "...another mile further from that special guy....and another.....and another......" until my vision of miles of highway was blurred under my sunglasses and I just wanted to turn around for one last squeeze and kiss and look.

No, nothing could have prepared me for that........nothing!

Now, we are home and grateful for our time spent loving on our Tait. Tait, who will forever be our youngest child, even if he's not an official Hunt.

Grateful that we get to have the honor of being one of the few in this world who get to love this guy the way we get to love this guy. Yes, we are home; many, many, many miles too far from that big growing boy....... but home at last nonetheless!