Reprimanded!

Josh and I have been married for almost 14 years. I have not lived under my parents roof for 15 years, and yet I am still being reprimanded by my dad.

Last weekend my dad took Kaidon fishing with him up in Wyoming. Kaidon is a boy scout at heart and my dad was a boy scout so they have a really unique bond (being that Josh's idea of "outdoors" is a massage on the poolside in Hawaii). They fished until they had enough stories to tell to last a lifetime. We've heard about a hawk flying down and snatching a fish right out of the water, we've heard about them using the wrong bait, they didn't miss the over flowing hobo baths, one fish they caught spit out it's eggs and the fish Kaidon caught gets longer each time he holds his hands out to tell us how long it was. Although I packed Kaidon several clean outfits he wore the same thing each day. They had a GREAT time!

Then, I get this email from my dad on Tuesday, it says:

WENT TO THE BLOG TO SEE A PICTURE OF KAIDON & FISH ? NO KAIDON NO FISH !

I cut and copied the above straight from my dads email. He said nothing more, nothing less. He wrote all in caps to let me know the severity of my crime. I actually didn't even realize my dad read my blog. I truly am wondering if he really does or if he just went to "check on me" to see if I was giving this fishing trip any justice at all. I've always been very compliant so....here are some pictures of Kaidon and his Grampy's fishing trip. ENJOY!

Life's a Comedy!
As I've mentioned before several times and have made it clear for those of you who live life with me on a daily basis, I love to laugh, I mostly laugh at my own jokes and perceptions of things but that is beside the point.

More often than not my sense of humor is really an asset. I can laugh at the same thing for years and years and even lay awake at night sometimes thinking of crazy things I did as a kid. I laugh at so many things that should just really not be that funny anymore! I could go on and on about these goofy stories but trust Josh on this...YOU wont think they are funny! The great thing is that you can call me at any time laughing your head off and I will join you! Before I even know why you're laughing I will be laughing, and be laughing even harder than you are. I may even ask you to hold on for a second before you tell me why you're calling because I'm laughing to hard for me to hear you! Really, some people like my mother, cry when they see other people crying and don't need to even hear why. That is how I am with laughter. It is really contagious. I'm almost tempted to join people in public when they are laughing, just because I want to know why they are laughing...I KNOW I WOULD THINK IT WAS FUNNY!

There are times though when maybe, just maybe my sense of humor and uncontrollable laughter are just not appropriate! Like maybe when I'm trying to help Kaidon with his school project. Yes, he had to come up with a visual aide for his Martin Luther King Jr. speech. All I could come up with was a bunch of slap stick humor stuff that I'm almost positive his teacher would not appreciate. I thought it would be really funny to take a video of Tait all dressed up with the famous speech in the background moving his lips and hands like he was giving the speech. Kaidon is a little more reserved so he didn't go for any of the ideas I had, and now that I am away from the situation I'm glad at least one of us controlled ourselves and decided that maybe this wasn't a chance for Kaidon to have his first gig as a stand up comic.

I better come up with something good though because if we leave it up to Josh it will turn into an enormous project that half the state of Colorado is involved in. Yes, go back and look at my post about the bubble machine and you will know why I am suddenly sweating bullets at my lack of seriousness concerning Kaidon's project. It's just not good that I couldn't pull myself together long enough to focus on the task at hand.

Great Teacher
Well as you may have guessed by my lack of blogging...Tait has arrived. We got him on Friday at about 1 p.m. and it's been absolute bliss ever since. He is so adorable and a great, great baby. Actually, I'm not sure he's really a good baby or the fact that I have six nannies just helps out immensely!

He is a really good teacher too! We've already learned so much from him about:

MATH

• no matter how many hands you have.... it is never enough
• Eight people working to please one baby equals a very happy infant.
• 11p.m.-5 p.m. no matter what happens is still only 6 hours of sleep!
• Q.A size one diaper can hold 6 ounces, if a baby eats four ounces every three hours how soon will it be before you have an explosion oozing out of every side?

A. This is a trick question...you see, even if you just change a babies diaper somehow they can manage to have a blow out that could clear any auditorium a matter of seconds after you get them settled in daddies lap!

• Women holding baby=someone elses problem....Man holding baby=chick magnet

Science

• What goes in must come out!
• Freud was right! We are sexual creatures from the get go, anything that vibrates is soothing!

History

• No matter how many you have, when you space them five years apart it is like having your first all over again!
• When asking the clerk at Babies R Us for an item that was "in" seven years ago, you can and will make yourself look insanely behind the times!

Sociology

• If you want something yell for it. If you don't get it? Keep yelling! Eventually someone will give you what you want, at that time give a big cheesy grin so you guarantee yourself faster results the next time you'd like something!
• If you have gas go ahead and let it out, you'll feel better and it makes people laugh!
• When you first meet someone be sure to give them your best "confused" look. You then have them like a puppet on a string trying to please you and make you smile!
• As long as you are smiling, you will be noticed!

Psychology

• Positive reinforcement is good and all but trust me when I tell you that if you scream your head off when someone does something you don't like, they WILL stop doing it.

Our professor, Tait, will continue to teach us and we will keep passing our knowledge onto you. Consider it "free courses" in life lessons!

Tait Update

Here again, I sit with an update on our precious baby boy. Here again, I wish we were holding him in our arms. Here again, we are not.

Yesterday we had our presentation meeting with the caseworker. Basically she laid out his last two months of life for us and what her projected timeline of events will be for his next ...God only knows how long! Ya know, I think it is such a bunch of crap really. They are seriously in their own little m-f 8-5 work zones while we are trying to bring our babies home 24/7. At one point she said well his foster mom can have him until June 15Th and I'm really busy so I'm not sure when I can get him moved. I am clearly paraphrasing but that was the logistics of her words. Luckily the other caseworker found her to be just as insane as we did so she said she would be pushing for a faster move. We are to be hearing from her at some point today!

After our meeting we went and met him for the first time. He is tiny! He is weighing in at 8 Lbs. 11oz. We passed the poor guy around for over an hour kissing him and loving all over him before handing him back over. Now we wait some more. He was very mellow and didn't even fuss a bit, which will be a good thing because on most every day he will encounter a miracle if no one messes with him. EmmaLeigh kept petting his fuzzball head! At one point she said "I wish I had this stuff for a pillow" referring to his hair. The greatest part is that he has green eyes! He is going to be a knockout! He's full African American so the dark skin with the green eyes...to die for!

After we left my temporarily insane husband says "we need to have another baby" I think "huh? we haven't gotten home with this one yet!" but instead I say "why did you say that? I begged for 3 years to get you to agree on this one!" His response "we've got to end on an even number not only the number of kids, but the boys have almost caught up with the girls here. We can't have three boys and four girls, it will be much better with four and four!" I left it at that because I think he had a temporary laps in judgement and I am choosing not to hold that against him at this time.

Hopefully we will be living life with all seven kids by the weekend. I have to admit, this is slowly killing me and I am sure I've aged 10-15 years since we began the process. I'm pretty sure Josh just wants the baby home for the main reason of shutting me up!

Poop Patrol
A funny thing happened to me today. Let me explain, it's funny 'cuz it's so unbelievable! Not unbelievable like a "Ripley's Believe it or not" show but unbelievable because I can't believe some people are so nutty!

This morning was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, it was a little breezy and yet warm enough for me to be able to leave my front door open. I haven't yet put a screen door on. Their are several reasons for this:
1. How long would a screen last with six kids and three dogs?
2. How many times would I be yelling "shut the door!"
3. If the door actually got shut how many times would I be shouting "STOP slamming the door!"
4. How many times would I be stopping what I was doing to go let in some freak who went out the back door and is now trying to get in the locked front screen door?
5. Probably the biggest reason is... what purpose does a screen door really serve? I mean REALLY? All the reasons I've thought in the past I've really not had much success with. To keep flies out?Nope, that would only work if we never opened the screen door! Keep predators out? Hmmm what burglar couldn't get through a screen? (my dogs could show them a few tricks if they needed training and if that didn't work my kids are masters) keep dirt out? Just an FYI ,a screen is just a whole bunch of little holes in a really thin material, if it would keep dust out Mihya wouldn't have the tri-weekly chore of dusting.

I could continue on about this screen situation but it really is NOT the point of this entry.

I had just gotten the kids out the front, screenless door for school when Kayela was getting out of the shower. I went to her bedroom to set her clothes out for the day and she was looking out her bedroom window. Her bedroom is at the front of our house and we happen to have half the neighborhood out walking on the streets on any given day, and today was no different. Kayela announces "wow that dog is big AND it's going potty in our yard" I am half listening because I am secretly thinking "oh my gosh, maybe that's what a screen door is for...to keep the neighborhood dogs out!" OK so that's not really what I was thinking. I was really thinking about the fact that my dogs would probably not be fine with some other dog peeing on their front lawn and that I had better go be sure everyone played nicely. (Our dogs are other dog friendly and go to the dog park often and they are trained to stay on our land, even horses go by and they stay in their boundaries but this was different because this dog was on our land and to my knowledge that hadn't happened before so I was a little concerned about it) Just as I got to the front door I saw the "big dog" stop peeing and start heading toward my front door. I'm looking directly at the dogs owner , she clearly sees me standing there, she is holding some little rat-like dog and sets him down and tells him to go potty and it proceeds to poop in my yard. Now keep in mind this women is ancient and has probably lived in the neighborhood for many years and I am NOT ancient and have just moved in, so I have to kind of admit that I am intimidated by the crotchety women. A million thoughts run through my head as to what I should say but I don't get a chance to collect my thoughts before the "big dog" walks right up my front step sniffs in my garden and POOPS!! Kid. You. Not. At this point, I think I looked like a contortionist the way I had my head tilted like "nuh uh!". Again, I'm thinking "how do I tell this woman, without starting WW III, to pick up the dog --BEEP?" (censored for small children, this is a family blog). I.DID.NOT. SAY.A.WORD. The funny part is that she walked clear around the back of our land, and back by the front door, with plastic bag in hand mind you, (a good half an hour) and I was still standing in my contorted state trying to peacefully confront the pooping problem. I resort to thinking that I guess maybe they have different "poop protocol" here, but then why did she have the plastic baggy?

I really consumed too much of my day with what had taken place. Seriously, I told my mom AND every person who walked through my front door.(not to mention all of you) I guess the reality is that no one else would even know that wasn't one of our dogs poop. I just felt it necessary to mention it just in case someone may think our dogs are unsophisticated enough to poop in the garden! Then when Josh and I were heading out the door this evening, I told him about the poop problem. I ended with "I didn't even know what to say, so I just stood at the front door like I was the poop patrol and I was going to stare her down until she used the plastic in her hand" All Josh said is "well you should've just asked her if she needed a bag to clean it up" ....Wonder why I didn't think of THAT!?!?

Tomorrow I will be prepared. I am on poop patrol and nothings landing in this yard without my OK. I'm armed and loaded and that women is going to wish I had a screen door holding me back!

Cliff Hanger
So, now that it is warm and staying light later in the day, we have so much time in the evening to just hang out.

Josh loves the trampoline. We've actually had our trampoline longer than we've had our kids, and even before we bought a dining room table! He always wanted one...so we got one, whether it seems logical or not! (c'mon we were only 19 when we got married so we really didn't even know what a dining room table was for!) Inevitably, when we go to play outside as a family, Josh takes his spot on the trampoline. It's really like most men are with their recliners. He gets on the trampoline and will not even let the kids jump and if he does branch out and let them actually stand, all of the kids know exactly where the imaginary line that they are not allowed to cross, is! So, tonight when Kayela decided she was ready to take her training wheels off her bike guess who had the privilege of running behind the bike?....oh, you think me? oh, no it was Emma, I'm not breaking my back, I could really care less if she can ride her bike without training wheels or not! Actually, Emma DID start the bike training but a little "incident" quickly got her demoted to training Mikael how to turn his bike (it's a little problem when you can get on the bike, you can balance the bike, you can pedal the bike, BUT....YOU. CAN'T.STOP. OR. TURN. THE. BIKE.). Yes, the "incident" is a real cliff hanger, let me tell you!

On our land we have 2 acres. I don't know how much, but a lot of our land consists of two ponds, although they are dry! The neighbors kept telling us "oh, just one good snow storm and the ponds will be filled up"...um...they are dry! No mud even! I don't know if you've heard but we've had some SNOW lately! So, we don't live on the beach, these are ponds, no zero entry just complete drop offs! and one just happens to be about 3 feet off of one of our driveways. Emma thinking "let's get this over with quickly" took Kayela and her little bike, without training wheels, to the very top of the driveway. It isn't a straight slope down but for a kid who's never even attempted riding her bike without training wheels, it would be a bit intimidating. Kayela's the youngest of six kids, just remember, so she's a trooper and she follows her big sister up the driveway with her bike. Emma being so loving and caring puts Kayela on her bike and gives her a great big PUSH!....Seriously, JUST PUSHES HER DOWN THE DRIVEWAY ON HER BIKE! I am at the bottom of the driveway watching Mikael attempt his turning, Josh is on the other side of the yard jumping on the trampoline and throwing the football with Kaidon who is on the ground and both of us see our little girl flying down the driveway! Emma is shouting "don't put your feet down, just keep pedaling!" I yell "Emma!" just in time to see Kayela veering way to far to the left, hit the grass, and fly over her handle bars right off the cliff of the pond, head first! I don't know how he did it, but Josh was first on the "scene" of our wailing Kayela! I laugh at EVERYTHING (unfortunately for hurting kids....but really it was such a hysterical sight!), so I am half pissed at Emma, and half laughing as though I've had just one too many drinks and am watching a comedy show (which may explain why Josh got to her first)! In order to get Kayela out of the shrubs, dirt and weeds Josh pulled her out by a leg! I keep saying (between fits of laughter) "you're OK" as Josh is seriously considering his choice in mother's for his children and saying "how can she be OK? She is NOT OK". What a sight for the neighbors, you know they are thinking what in the hell?!?

All in all, Kayela was fine! So fine that she jumped back up on that two-wheeler and pedaled her heart out for another hour( Under my strict supervision of-course). I left the "turn training" to Emma as I built up Kayelas confidence on a bike...their are just some things that are best left up to a "mommy".