HOW ARE THE KIDS?

As I write this, I have chaos all around me. Just a typical day in our house.

Mihya is making pancakes with frosting and sprinkles, the only way a princess would ever have pancakes as you might not know! The kids are laughing, talking and doing their “remember when’s” and “what if’s”. Nothing but smiles all around. We actually look like we have our crap together. We actually might.

The overwhelming support and love that was received by us from each of you was nothing short of amazing. Don’t get me wrong, we did have the judgmental, back handed and even hateful few. That’s OK, I have tough skin and broad shoulders. I firmly believe that those few are moving on fear and ignorance as opposed to real hate, so I forgive them and only hope that someday they will be in a place of acceptance. Maybe our family can be the ones who change their mind, who knows! What I do know, is that a majority of our community of friends and family has embraced us. The very thing we need right now. Y’all said the words we needed to hear, wrote the messages we needed to see, gave the hugs we needed to feel and showed the concern we needed to have.

Thank you, just seems too simple although, it’s all I can think to say. Thank you!

The common questions and concern was clearly for our kids. Do they know? How are they coping? How did they take it? Can we talk to them? How can we help them? Can we tell our kids?

The absolutely great thing about kids, is that most of them just naturally come from a place of non-judgement. This is why kids walk away from a day at the park with a hundred new best friends. They have no judgement regarding what car another child came in, what they were wearing, where they go to school, what neighborhood they live in or wether or not their hair is a certain way or even combed for that matter. You just don’t see adults do that, well not unless their is a lot of alcohol involved. Seems like as adults, we need a common ground before we will allow ourselves to communicate with another human being. I find it crazy as I sit here and think about it, and at the same time as aware as I am about it, I do it all the time.

The funny thing about kids, is that they are all born selfish! They want to eat when they want to eat. Play when they want to play. Have when they want to have. Sleep when they want to sleep. They’re just really selfish. Unfortunately, most of us don’t ever fully outgrow it either. I know for me, I want everything clean and orderly all. the. time. I don’t care if you have a school project, it better not make a mess. I don’t care if you’re bleeding, don’t bleed on the carpet. Oh, you had a fun day at the beach? Wonderful, hose off before you step a foot in this house. It’s selfish, I know that. We each are selfish in our own form.

Kids are also resilient. Although I would have liked not to have tested that theory, I assure you, they are!

Yes, Our kids know and have known for about a year now. Not only do they know that their dad is gay, but they have known for about 10 months that we would be divorcing. We sat them down and explained to each of them the way we knew they’d best be able to handle the situation. As I explained, they lived up to the theory that they are non-judging, selfish and resilient.

I do this a lot on our blog, so this topic wouldn’t be any different, here’s how each of them reacted:

EmmaLeigh: “There’s a time when we each need to rise to the occasion and love someone for who they really are, I guess now’s my time to shine!” (I will be writing a whole blog post on this girl, she is a total ROCKSTAR!)

Kaidon: “ Ok, can I finish watching my show on Disney?” (can we talk, hug, anything?)

Mihya: (Dad is gay do you know what that is? In her most sing-songy voice with her finger pointed, smiling ear to ear) “You like booeeeeyyyyss!” (hmmmmmm...where do you go after that?)

Graysie: (we say Josh is gay and explain what it is) “That is just weird dad, just weird!” (we say we are getting a divorce and she goes crazy) DIVORCE? I AM LIKE ONE OF THE ONLY KIDS IN MY CLASS THAT DON’T HAVE DIVORCED PARENTS! YOU ARE MAKING ME JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!” (It's all about you grays, all about you)

Mikael: silence. (we talk more) smile. (we ask if he has questions) shakes his head no. (we assure him this does not change our love for him) he nods. (we ask again if he has questions) again, he shakes his head no.

Kayela: (we tell her everything in a seven year old way and ask if she has questions) “When dad gets his own house will I have chores at his house too?”

As far as if or what you tell your own children, that is up to you. Clearly, the fact that my kids have known this for almost a year and your children haven’t brought it up, should tell you that this isn’t all we are, or all we talk about. It’s pretty low on the radar. Right behind Disney channel, “what are we eating for dinner”, soccer, friends, pool, school, homework, field hockey, “he touched me”, elitches, “can I have a friend spend the night”, and any other thing your kids are doing as well.

Family, is what we are. This doesn’t change that. I’ve given you the kids’ first reactions. In no way could I even begin to share the emotions behind situations and settings in the past year as we’ve worked through our new “us”. The kids love their dad. They love me. They love us for who we are together. We will always be a family and they find comfort in that fact. They adore the fact that we are best friends, as much as they hate that it gets in the way of their manipulation. Luckily for us, we’ve had a huge support system and we are honored that it is growing!