In Emma's Words

I’m really not a writer. In fact, I would rather talk your ear off or read a book before I even think about writing a sentence but, here it goes:

My life when I was younger was perfect although I didn’t even realize it then. I do now. I had a life you read about in books, or see in the movies. I had the perfect parents who loved each other so much, and who in all my life had seen argue but once or twice. I had all the money and clothes I could dream of and a nice house. My brothers and sisters and I got along for the most part and we all loved each other. I never had a care in the world, except that my parents would turn out like most of my friends parents. I saw my friends parents not sleeping in the same bed, not talking, not looking at each other with love but with hate. Most of all, I saw many divorced. Now, I didn’t typically cry. Never actually. It annoys me when people do cry, but every time I would think about my parents ending up like my friends parents who were divorced, I would feel like crying. I never would though, because I knew that not in a million years would that happen to them.

The best thing my parents taught me was not to judge people for what they look like or how they act but for who they are inside. I understood that but my understanding has now changed, since my mom and dad took me into that retreat. Everyone judges at least once in their life. It’s like lying. All parents teach you “don’t lie, don’t lie, don’t lie”, my parents did. They also enforced “don’t judge” just as much. “don’t judge, don’t judge, don’t judge”. Now, just like lying we all judge, some more than others. But, if you tell a huge lie and get caught you don’t lie as much after that and you catch yourself before you do. Same with judging, when something big happens, like this, I don’t judge as much and I catch myself more before I do. My parents are the ones who taught me that, the best thing they have taught me.

When my parents told me my dad was gay I was in my room curling my hair and watching How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. I had had a great day and was excited for the one week break. My mom told me that her and my dad had to talk to me. I was plotting in my head what they were talking to me about: vacation, money, a movie, date night. When they called me into the retreat I was smiling until I saw their faces. My first thought was “who died?” Then I looked at them again and started to feel like crying. They started with “We are getting a divorce, Emma” I kind of laughed and then I said “Why?” My mom said “dad is gay”. I really thought they were lying and I yelled through my tears “If you are lying I’m moving out!” I was angry that they would be lying about that until I found out they weren’t, they were serious. They were both crying and I said to my dad, “I don’t care if you are gay, I care that you are getting a divorce”. I started crying with sadness instead of anger. Then I said “In life everyone has a time to accept someone for who they really are, and now is my time to shine” I was so sad. I cried that night and when they would try to talk to me about it. I still cry sometimes, we all do. I’m still sad but that doesn’t keep us from being a family and sticking together.

My thoughts on having a gay dad? At first I kept thinking “this is not happening!” but now that I am positive it’s true, I think it is OK. There are always good and bad parts of everything. Some of the best things about my dad are because of the fact that he is gay.

-My dad helps me get dressed

-He won’t freak out when I have a boyfriend because he doesn’t really know all of the boys thoughts about girls (when he read this he told me “Yes, I do!”)

-I will someday get three dads. One is my dad, one is my dads partner and one is my moms husband

-My dad is more talkative than my friends dads, and I can tell him anything.

-He doesn’t freak out when I ask him to go bra and panty shopping with me, he loves shopping for anything!

When trying to think of anything “bad” about having a gay dad, the only thing I could think of was that not everyone likes gay guys. I guess their parents weren’t as good at teaching them not to judge like my parents have taught me.

My thoughts on having an accepting mom? I am grateful. I have heard about wives who take the kids and run. I think that is sad. I love my mom because she is accepting and not crazy angry. That is the reason that my dad didn’t come out in the first place. I am glad my mom didn’t tear my dad down like that. I am also sad for her because I don’t think anyone knows what she is going through. Like she said on her blog the other day, she is trying to be a coffee bean but I think that sometimes she feels like a carrot.

My family today has changed but we are still a family. We might not be like families you read about in books or see on T.V. or movies but we are a family. We still fight, we still have bumps in our road, we still go on adventures, we still all live together, and we all love each other. My family is different and unique, we not only have an obscene amount of kids but we have a gay dad and an accepting mom. Most of all my family loves everyone for what and who they are.

The world needs to know it is scary and sad. Although we are, always will and always have stayed positive; it is not easy. It is not what it seems all the time. At this point questions like “how are you?”, “how have you been?”, and “are you ok?”, just seem silly to me. If you were in my situation how would you be? I also think the world needs to know that even though my dad is gay, he is still my dad and a great one. He still has the sarcastic humor he always has had. He still wears crazy shirts. He still can’t live without Starbucks. He still can’t sit still for longer than a minute. He is still involved in all of our lives and school. He is still my dad, a sarcastic gay man.

In the future of my family I hope for happiness and love. In the future of my family I hope for three dads. In the future of my family I hope for acceptance. In the future of my family I hope for us to change the world’s perspective. In the future of my family I hope that we don’t change everything just because there has been one big change. In the future of my family I hope for continued love and happiness.

I HOPE TO BE A COFFEE BEAN!

Josh is an analogy junkie. If you’ve ever sat and listened to him for more than 10 minutes you would know this. Especially when he is giving his advice or sharing his business expertise. I get such a kick out of analogies myself, although every time I try to pull it off people just don’t get it. I try to be so “teachable” with the kids by using analogies and I leave them tilting their heads and more confused than when I started. With that said, I stole the following story from my friend Salina and her blog, who in turn stole it from her friend and her blog. It’s an analogy I wish I had thought of on my own, I didn’t. I’m completely comfortable stealing it though. I guess it’s just one of those stories that HAS to be shared and passed along.

It has hit home in my life and was shared by Salina at just the right time. I know when she posted it on her blog, it was not intended for me at all. I know that when she posted it, she had no clue how much it would speak into my life. How I needed it at this very moment. I’m sure that when she posted it, I wasn’t even a thought in her mind. Funny, as it may be, that is just how life works sometimes. I hope it touches you the same way it touched me, no matter what adversity you are facing.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Right now in my life I have been presented with pretty big adversity. Right now I am acting as mother, teacher, friend and wife in a pretty challenging situation. I have a lot of balls in the air, with a responsibility to keep them from hitting the floor. At the same time, I am having to take care of me.

Adversity is always present in life. This is not the first adversity I have ever faced. The funny thing is, when you are in the middle of something it always seems to feel bigger than anything you’ve ever gone through before. This will not be the last adversity I will ever face.

I know that at times, in facing other adversity, I have become bitter and hard, just like the egg. I know that I have become fearful, weak and soft when faced with other challenges in my life, just like the carrot. This one is different for me. This one strikes a cord that is far bigger than myself and my family. This one is important because of all the many people, like our family, who are living through this tremendously painful adversity. I can’t help but think “Why is this happening to me? Why is this fair? How is it that we can be so perfect together and yet not be able to make it?” It’s human nature to throw our little pity parties isn’t it? Well because I have a lot of determination and fight packed into this little body, I will not let this happen to me and my family without making a positive change.

So many families each year are torn apart because of this very same situation. The statistics are staggering. We may be the only family you know of, but I promise you, we are not the only family that is going through this or will go through this. Over 2 million families each year are faced with this situation. Most families are torn apart in ways that even I have poured tears over as I have read. It kills me to think about. The sad reality is that when I called to get support for the kids, Josh and I; there is no support set up for families like us. They have huge organizations supporting the straight spouse who would like to run, hide and take the children from the gay spouse. They have organizations set up for the gay spouse who wants to run, hide and leave the children in the shame and guilt concerning breaking up the family. There are books bashing the gay spouse who decides to leave the family and how the straight spouse can cope. There are books on how to get over your guilt, for the gay spouse. There is nothing, that I can find, that helps a family stay a family in this transition. Nothing. Each time I have thought I found a new organization or book, it ends up a dead end.

I’m telling you all this to say, that this is exactly “why me”. This is exactly why it just might not be “fair”, but it doesn’t change the fact that it still IS. This is exactly why yes, we are the perfect “match” to make the necessary change. Who better to be on this ride together than the two of us, who adore each other?

What adversity in your life are you going to choose coffee bean instead of carrot or egg? I challenge you to think about that. I challenge you to think about what adversity you’ve faced in the past that has either hardened you or made you soft and weak. You can be a coffee bean, it’s up to you to choose that.

My goal, my passion, my heart and my hope is that I can be the coffee bean that can make a change in the world with this situation, somehow, someway!

ADVICE FROM MY DR.

Almost a year ago, when the beginning to our end was rearing it’s ugly head, I was filled with hopelessness. Hopelessness over dreams that Josh and I had, that would never be realized. I was scared, alone and overwhelmingly burdened by the thought that what I had so often dreamed about would never be an option for us. My doctor repeated me and understood I was really saying, "I’m glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone."

Honestly, for fifteen years I had lived a dream that I called, “my life”. I actually never even dreamed my life could be as perfect as it was. I never thought I would do the things we did, have the things we had or would see the things we saw. Never in my wildest dreams. My doctor said "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

From the time Josh and I were dating we said we would someday live at the beach. We were, and to me, our life seemed completely amazing. No, I didn’t love everything about where we were, but I did love most of it. I loved that it was warm. I loved that we made friends who I know will still be friends in the next 50 years. I loved the Southern hospitality. I loved that all the talking had finally paid off. I loved visitors. I loved the beach. I loved my house. I loved the history. I loved the adventure. Most of all, I loved that we reached a goal together. I loved that we realized a dream and added more to the end. My doctor assured me my feelings of accomplishment were real by telling me, "Oh the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all."

That’s why, when I felt like I was losing it, I felt like life was hopeless. Many months, I cried and felt nothing but despair. My body ached, because my heart hurt so bad. I only thought about all the things that would never be. I only imagined how bad things could get. I only dreamed about what was, instead of what could be. Things didn’t feel right seeing a future alone and without Josh. Most people never would have guessed how buried I’d become in my own self pity and doubt. My kids could not make me smile, I didn’t laugh for days at a time. Hopelessness is the best description, but to me, it felt even worse than that. My doctor agreed that, "This mess is too big and too deep and to tall. We can't clean it up! We can't clean it up at all!"

Luckily, we did make good friends in Charleston. Friends who required us to “show up” in life. Friends who we were honest with, who loved us in spite of our flaws. Friends who said “who cares”? Friends who said “Only you can make this better”. Friends who wrapped their arms around us on numerous occasions and looked into our eyes with expressions of love. Friends who gave us books, wrote us notes, sent us letters, left us voicemails and fought when we had no fight left in us. Friends who dreamed big dreams for us. Friends who said the tough things that needed to be said. Friends who are still great encouragement to us, even now. Those friends helped me see that this was our life. This was our story. This could be whatever we make it to be. My doctor gave his expert advice by saying, "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've brought a big bat. I'm already you see, now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

I started to see that not all hope was lost. Things could be better. I began to understand that it didn’t matter what those before me had done, that I could be a great example for those that choose to follow in the future. I embraced the dreams that could still be. I spoke the things I wanted to become. I ran far, far away from what would only keep me down. I assess the value in each thought I have, if it is worthless I delete it. I still stumble and fall countless times, but I continue to get back up. I continue to live my life. Not all hope is lost when I look into my future. My doctor believed in me and even told me, "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."

I’m honored that Josh still holds onto many of our dreams. Many of our dreams and plans are still very attainable, this gives me hope. Nothing hurt more than imagining my life without my best friend by my side. Nothing was more crushing than the vision of seventeen years lost to something so ironic as one of us finding their truly authentic self. This relationship has not been, and is not built, by only one of us giving our all. Instead, we both still dream, we both continue to put one foot in front of the other and we both hold on to the friendship that started it all. I believed my doctor gave his expert advice and told me, "So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)

In all honesty, in answering the questions/concerns regarding if I have a professional to help me along this path, the answer is no. I spent many weeks in Charleston with a great Dr. I grew fond of and formed a great relationship with through the darkest of days. For now, I get my advice from the first Dr. I ever knew, Dr. Suess. He does give some great insight!

AREN'T YOU ANGRY?

As I sit here today and look at how my life has been for the past seventeen years, I have no complaints. I have no regrets.

Clearly, my life today is not the way I had envisioned it to be. Clearly, I never would have wished this on me, or anyone, for that matter. This is tough. This is not easy. The thought of being thirty-five, with six kids (and a slew of stretch marks to prove it) and having to start over, is terrifying! Mind-numbing, even. At times, I can’t imagine how I will pick myself back up after this. Days will go by where I only see the glass half empty with a hole in the bottom. I will not ever lead you to believe that this is easy, or something that I really don’t care about because it isn’t. It is hard, really hard! And I care more about this than anything I’ve ever cared about. The reality is, I will be okay and everything will be just fine.

I have received countless texts, Facebook messages, emails, voicemails, blog posts and even handwritten letters; thank you for all of them. You have no idea how much your encouragement means to me. Next to the question regarding kids, the next most asked question to me has been, “Aren’t you angry?” The simple reply to that question would be, no! No, I’m really not. Although, I feel like everyone deserves more of an explanation than just that, considering how detailed I have to be when I am sitting face-to-face with someone answering the same question.

Let me start by giving you my perspective on a few things. I don’t expect you to agree with me on these things, nor do I want you to feel like I expect you to. You are entitled to your very own opinion and I am entitled to mine. I respect that we are each individuals and have been raised to believe different things. Our experiences have taught us different things, as well. That’s okay. I can still love you and care about you just the same and I hope you can love and care about me the same, too.

To me, being gay is not a choice for someone. You are who you are, end of story. I know that many of you agree with that. I know that some of you even agree with that but still insist on the fact that someone should be “praying away the sin.” I have a hard time stomaching the fact that I would need to be praying away something that was born into me. Trust me, I have prayed countless times to grow......I am still only 4’11. I have prayed countless times to be more emotional.......I still can’t force myself to cry just because you are crying. I have prayed that I could be less OCD (so have Josh and my kids, I’m sure)..........I still CANNOT handle a mess and my closets are so organized that I could go into each of them blind-folded and still find what I needed to find. These things are born in me.

I know some of you are saying, “Well, that is just not the same.” Okay, fine. Guess what? I am 100% straight. I am not attracted to women in the slightest. I don’t even find it pleasurable to hug women. It annoys me. You cannot convince me for one second of one minute of the day to sleep with a women or get sexual with her. It repulses me, for me. It doesn’t bother me to see two women together. I wonder how all the drama fits into one house, but I have no judgement there. That is not something that I could change. That is not something that I would change. So, for me, I’m convinced that being gay is just like me being straight and I could not change that fact. Maybe, if I thought differently about being gay, I could be angry. The great thing is, I don’t think differently, so it keeps me from being angry about this.

Nothing makes me madder than when someone does something intentionally to hurt someone else. It infuriates me. I don’t understand why anyone would put energy and effort into making someone else’s life miserable. My kids will see me turn into a monster with three heads when they do something just to torture their siblings. I don’t get it. I have never been one to live my life trying to make someone else suffer. I may not always do a great job at this when my kids or Josh have been hurt by someone. I think I probably have thought my fair share of evil thoughts when that happens. I remember getting myself into many verbal conflicts as a young child because I would fight for the underdog. I am still this way.

Some people don’t think twice about saying or doing nasty things to someone else, though. Sadly, this seems to be more prevalent in girls than boys. Unfortunately, with all the kids in and out of my house, I know this trait can start very early in life. When we lived in South Carolina, I remember going into the grocery store with my kids. They are always up for a free cookie, so when I offered it up to them, another mother was standing by with her two children. I handed my kids each a cookie and we quickly moved to the side so she could get her kids one, as well. I honestly did not look at the fact that their were two choices of cookie. They both looked exactly the same, although one was labeled “fat-free.” Unfortunately, the other mother felt like it was very necessary to point out the fact that, clearly, she “loved” her children more by giving them the healthier of the two choices. I actually laughed out loud at her remark. I wanted to say, “Obviously, you don’t ALWAYS offer up the healthier choice considering that your children are about 20 pounds overweight,” but I didn’t. I just held my tongue. It really pissed me off, though. Not at what she said because my kids are healthy and I’m confident in that. Just the fact that she felt like she needed to say something just to be nasty to me, nothing makes me madder. The whole point is that maybe if I felt like Josh had intentionally set out to hurt me or our kids, I could be angry. I know that is just not the case, though. So, I can’t be angry for that reason either.

Another thing that makes me mad as hell is when someone hurts me and doesn’t even care that they have done it. They just move past it, go on with life and expect me to “get over it.” Sometimes I can. Other times, I am too fearful and burdened to do it. Once I had a friend who blabbed every little thing I ever shared with her to all of her other friends. It hurt me and I chose not to continue the friendship I thought I had with her. The fact that she freely shared my life with others was one thing, the fact that she acted like it wasn’t a big deal, was infuriating. I was angry. Possibly, I am still angry at that fact. Tell me you screwed up, tell me you had no right, tell me you are sorry and that you are a fool, but don’t act like you are innocent because that means you don’t care what you did. It probably was more hurtful that she lied to my face and downplayed the things she told them, but eventually, it turned to anger and I was done. Nothing could reverse her first reactions because in those first moments, it was clear she didn’t care. It makes me mad. Yes, we all screw up. We all make mistakes. Own up to it because it shows you care.

If I can say anything about Josh in this hard time, it is that he has tormented himself because he does care so much about our family and our friendship. Countless times he has said, “If I just didn’t love you so much, it would be so much easier.” He hurts when I hurt. He’s sad when the kids ask questions that they shouldn’t even know to ask at this time in their lives. He cries when I cry. He is terrified and looking out for my future above his own. Luckily, I know Josh cares, so it has not been an issue that might make me angry.

Again, my life today is not the way I had envisioned it to be. Clearly, I never would have wished this on me, or anyone, for that matter. This is tough. This is not easy. But, I have no complaints and no regrets. So, no, I am not angry.

LIFE SUMMIT

This past weekend Josh and I, the kids and my dad went for a long weekend of camping and hiking. I always have loved the adventure of getting away, even if it’s just for a couple of nights to sleep outside on rocks and sticks. I had begged Josh for far too long to give it a shot. He had zero interest in the idea of camping and then when we started having babies and babies and babies, I lost my push for such an idea as camping.

Just recently, Josh decided to go camping. Actually, he decided to do it when my dad started taking Kaidon camping and saw how much he was enjoying it. Josh put it down as one of his New Years resolutions; that he would take us camping two times. He ended up liking it. Now, Josh has a new goal because camping, in and of itself, just isn’t exciting enough. He is determined to get all 54 fourteeners climbed by the time he is 40. That’s what had us out and living on the edge over the holiday weekend. As much as it doesn’t sound peaceful and serene to be up on a mountain with Josh, six kids and my crazy dad, it really truly is great. I had so much time to think and process, which is a hot commodity these days for me. As I hiked and hiked and hiked, I could not help but relate my life where it is now, to summiting those fourteeners.

It’s funny how prior to leaving we have all these visions of how it is going to go. We planned and talked and read about the two fourteeners we would be attempting. We were elated at the idea of getting to the top and saying we had accomplished such a feat. We knew it could get tough, but we never lacked the confidence to make it through. Just like planning for the fourteener, I had planned out my life with Josh before we even said “I do.” I had planned and talked and read everything I could on marriage and being a wife. I was elated at the idea of spending my life, forever, as a married women to the man I just adore. I knew it could get tough, but I never lacked the confidence to make it through.

As I packed up the car, kids clothes and prepared food, things weren’t as exciting as they were when we were making our big camping plans. No, but it was worth all the work knowing that we would soon be having fun and accomplishing something we had been determined to do. Same with marriage. Things weren’t always as exciting as we had envisioned when we were dating. We put in a lot of time and effort and work for our marriage, not as hard as many couples had to, but we still worked hard. It was well worth the effort because we were going to accomplish something we had dreamed about.

The drive up to Mt. Princeton and Mt. Yale was exciting and fast, we were finally going places we had only seen in books or imagined in our own minds. We were all packed up and now headed in the right direction. For so long, my life was that journey. I was having babies, adopting babies, business was great, married to my best friend and finally headed to the place I had only imagined in my mind. It was exciting to be on the journey that I had dreamed about for so long.

As we pulled up to the campsite we had researched online, passing the lake and the peaceful little cabins, we were a bit thrown off by the sign that read “campsite full.” We had to stop the car, pull to the side of the road and make a new plan. We ended up in a beautiful spot, though, much better than the crowded campsite we set out to be in. So many times in life, Josh and I have done just that. So many times we would be heading to our destination when we’d realize that maybe it wasn’t meant for us. We’d stop what we were doing, talk about and make a new plan, and most times we’d end up in a much more beautiful spot than we had originally set out for. We were, and are, good at making a new plan work.

Our first day out, we set off to find the trailhead for Mt. Princeton. We thought we knew exactly where we were going. After driving in circles for awhile, we ended up having to ask someone who had already hiked the mountain where it was at. He gave us his best recollection of how he got there. Once we got as far as he could get us, we went back over the directions from our fourteeners book, then we stopped and asked for more help. We were told to drive straight up to the top of the most terrifying road I’ve ever been on. I had to trust that Josh would navigate us safely there. Once we got as high up as I could possibly handle, we parked the cars and started walking. The unmarked trailhead went unnoticed by all nine of us and again, we ended up not really where we wanted to be but somewhere beautiful none-the-less. We snapped pictures, took a break and set off for our journey once more. When Josh and I were first married and well into our marriage, we would really think we knew where we were headed. Sometimes, we would stop and ask others who were older and wiser how to end up where they were. Sometimes we’d make it through terrifying times, where either I needed to trust Josh to get us to our destination or he needed to find the trust in me. Sometimes we would notice we were off track, other times we’d end up in a place far more beautiful than where we thought we were going and, still other times, we would stop and relish our surroundings. Always, and still today, we would forever be on our journey.

In the end of this particular day on Mt. Princeton, Josh and my dad made it to the top. I took four of six kids back down the mountain as we reached about 12,800 feet. They couldn’t go on, and I was willing to head back, walking as far away from the top to avoid having to drive on that terrible road again. We made the plan that Josh would pick us up at the bottom, or as close to the bottom as we could make it. As much as I was willing to be off that cliff, I was so glad to have seen first hand what Josh had seen. Josh was filled with pride as he met up with the rest of us at the bottom. I was filled with pride at seeing his accomplishment. Admittedly, in our life together, Josh and I have been on the edge of many cliffs. Sometimes I would back down and sometimes it was he who would back down. Both of us would gladly walk as far away just to not be on a terrible road again, but we’ve always been their to pick each other up. Just like the day on Mt. Princeton, I would not change being on this journey with Josh for the past seventeen years. I know that I have experienced first hand what he has lived until now. I know that I am at the 12,800 feet where I am having to turn back and walk away while he continues on the path. I know that eventually he will be filled with pride at his accomplishment and I will be filled with pride for him as we meet daily to share what great steps toward the summit we took.

The next day of camping we headed out for Mt. Yale. This time, we knew right where the trailhead was. This time we left earlier because we had learned from our previous experience. This time we had the plan that my dad would turn back with any of the kids who just couldn’t take another step so that Josh and I could reach the peak together. This time, the path was just as hard, the journey just as long, the unforeseen problems just as many. The difference on the day at Mt. Yale was that Josh and I finished together. We started on our path, walked over rocks and boulders, encountered storms near the top, saw the most gorgeous scenery; and we kept on hiking because we promised we would finish together. When we did finally reach the bottom, we did it hand in hand and smiled and were proud of our accomplishment. The reminder of the price we paid has been a lot of sore muscles, muscles I didn’t even know I had. Our relationship today is just like that day we hiked Mt. Yale. We easily navigate our friendship, because we know just how to do it. We have people surrounding us who we know we can rely on to help if we might need it. We can predict many of the rocks and even boulders that may stand in our way. Storms that we may not have known were coming could crop up. Luckily for both of us, we are determined to finish this together because we promised we would. To still complete many of our goals we set forth to complete in the very beginning of our friendship, and to be proud of our accomplishments. We will experience beautiful things in both of our lives still. I am sure we will have many sore muscles to remind us of the road we’ve traveled, but with sore muscles comes strength. We will be stronger for this journey we have traveled. Traveled together, and not stopping until we reach the end, hand in hand.