I HOPE TO BE A COFFEE BEAN!

Josh is an analogy junkie. If you’ve ever sat and listened to him for more than 10 minutes you would know this. Especially when he is giving his advice or sharing his business expertise. I get such a kick out of analogies myself, although every time I try to pull it off people just don’t get it. I try to be so “teachable” with the kids by using analogies and I leave them tilting their heads and more confused than when I started. With that said, I stole the following story from my friend Salina and her blog, who in turn stole it from her friend and her blog. It’s an analogy I wish I had thought of on my own, I didn’t. I’m completely comfortable stealing it though. I guess it’s just one of those stories that HAS to be shared and passed along.

It has hit home in my life and was shared by Salina at just the right time. I know when she posted it on her blog, it was not intended for me at all. I know that when she posted it, she had no clue how much it would speak into my life. How I needed it at this very moment. I’m sure that when she posted it, I wasn’t even a thought in her mind. Funny, as it may be, that is just how life works sometimes. I hope it touches you the same way it touched me, no matter what adversity you are facing.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Right now in my life I have been presented with pretty big adversity. Right now I am acting as mother, teacher, friend and wife in a pretty challenging situation. I have a lot of balls in the air, with a responsibility to keep them from hitting the floor. At the same time, I am having to take care of me.

Adversity is always present in life. This is not the first adversity I have ever faced. The funny thing is, when you are in the middle of something it always seems to feel bigger than anything you’ve ever gone through before. This will not be the last adversity I will ever face.

I know that at times, in facing other adversity, I have become bitter and hard, just like the egg. I know that I have become fearful, weak and soft when faced with other challenges in my life, just like the carrot. This one is different for me. This one strikes a cord that is far bigger than myself and my family. This one is important because of all the many people, like our family, who are living through this tremendously painful adversity. I can’t help but think “Why is this happening to me? Why is this fair? How is it that we can be so perfect together and yet not be able to make it?” It’s human nature to throw our little pity parties isn’t it? Well because I have a lot of determination and fight packed into this little body, I will not let this happen to me and my family without making a positive change.

So many families each year are torn apart because of this very same situation. The statistics are staggering. We may be the only family you know of, but I promise you, we are not the only family that is going through this or will go through this. Over 2 million families each year are faced with this situation. Most families are torn apart in ways that even I have poured tears over as I have read. It kills me to think about. The sad reality is that when I called to get support for the kids, Josh and I; there is no support set up for families like us. They have huge organizations supporting the straight spouse who would like to run, hide and take the children from the gay spouse. They have organizations set up for the gay spouse who wants to run, hide and leave the children in the shame and guilt concerning breaking up the family. There are books bashing the gay spouse who decides to leave the family and how the straight spouse can cope. There are books on how to get over your guilt, for the gay spouse. There is nothing, that I can find, that helps a family stay a family in this transition. Nothing. Each time I have thought I found a new organization or book, it ends up a dead end.

I’m telling you all this to say, that this is exactly “why me”. This is exactly why it just might not be “fair”, but it doesn’t change the fact that it still IS. This is exactly why yes, we are the perfect “match” to make the necessary change. Who better to be on this ride together than the two of us, who adore each other?

What adversity in your life are you going to choose coffee bean instead of carrot or egg? I challenge you to think about that. I challenge you to think about what adversity you’ve faced in the past that has either hardened you or made you soft and weak. You can be a coffee bean, it’s up to you to choose that.

My goal, my passion, my heart and my hope is that I can be the coffee bean that can make a change in the world with this situation, somehow, someway!