I think one of the hardest parts of being a mom, is watching my kids hurt. This week I have watched in anguish over the pain Mihya has felt over the loss of her beloved, Loni. The pain is like nothing she has ever experienced I am sure. As her mom, I can’t do a thing to help her and it is gut wrenching to me.
Sunday night I watched Mihya take in the news from the Veterinarian that her sweet Loni wouldn’t make it another night. I watched Mihya hold her head high, looking the Dr. in the eye, listening intently, trying to be strong; until she just couldn’t do it a moment longer. Her whole body collapsed into her hands and she wept silently, body shaking. As she held Loni in her arms to tell her goodbye I remember thinking that this “being a parent thing” really sucks! Not for the laundry or the late nights fighting over homework, not for the sneaking out and the calls from other parents, not for the messy house and the endless piles of laundry, not for the money going out the door faster than it comes in. No, none of those things compare to watching your child suffer, knowing that you just can’t “fix” this one.
Part of living life, unfortunately, is taking the good with the bad, overcoming, learning from the past and figuring out how to move forward. Most of what life brings, we never see coming and we find ourselves navigating through unfamiliar territory. As much as I am totally under-qualified for the position of “mamma” my job at the moment is to guide these ten crazies (whom I adore) the best I can. I just don’t know how you look at your child and gently let them know, that this will most definitely not be their last heartbreak. I don’t know how to comfort them when my heart is crushed for them. I don’t know the right words to say or the best action to take when I know the thing that they want can’t be given to them. Even knowing that death is part of life, I still can’t help but wish the kids wouldn’t have to realize that yet, not now. I don’t know how to teach them that the world doesn’t stop for one person in pain. I can’t explain that friends have the right to laugh with each other and share good news with you, even if you aren’t in the mood to hear it. Again, I know I can’t “fix” this and that is the worst part. Just like the kids, I am still learning how to deal with life too. I’m realizing that life is what taught me these things, and life is what will teach them too, all I can do is watch, listen and love them.
Real life showed up for Mihya on Sunday night wether I wanted it to or not. Real life has shown up before and sadly, it will again. Most of the time I wont be able to do a thing about it, as much as I’d like to think I can. My hope is that the good outweighs the bad. That they all come to understand that time heals almost everything. That they each realize that loving something with your whole heart is worth it, even if it doesn’t last forever.
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