Five Finger Discount

The other day Tait had an appointment across town where he gets dropped off and stays for a couple of hours. My choices are to sit in the lobby, sit in the car, or run errands. This particular day I chose to run errands even though this area is a bit shady! OK, OK, it's a lot shady. As a matter of fact when I said I was going to run errands Josh asked if I had brought my bullet proof vest. Anyway, I had to go grocery shopping like you wouldn't believe, and having empty cabinets in this household with these savages is much more risky than shopping in this shady area of town, trust me on that! I also just couldn't sit and stare at the walls knowing I had so much to get done and let's face it not having to lug around the car seat while grocery shopping was an added bonus. So, taking my life into my own hands I decide their is no other logical thing to do than to drop Tait off, hit the grocery store, grab Tait, head home and then put groceries away.



As Kayela and I pull up to the store it really does look pretty nice. It seems to have had a face lift in the past few months and looks just as nice as the store I go to on my side of town. I am on my phone with a friends so I have plenty of time to assess the people going into the store and unfortunately they had not had face lifts recently and they all seem to be a little more rugged than I am used to but I am confident they are all very nice people so it would be crazy for me not to shop here based on surface findings. I realize when I get off my phone that I didn't bring a purse just the diaper bag with my wallet in it. Although it may look a bit funny having a diaper bag and no baby I decide I really don't care and that I don't want my wallet just left out in the cart alone and so I proceed to grab the diaper bag and Kayela and head into the store.



While in the store I meander along at a snails pace because in the back of my head I am thinking that I have about two hours to kill so there is no need to rush. I take notice that shopping on a Monday morning their is really slim pickings or maybe it's just this location, I don't know. Then I notice that their is a benefit about shopping in this location because the prices are much cheaper! Kayela's a trooper and we spend every last second killing time in the store before I head up to the cash register. Once there, several people are ahead of us and I grab a magazine to read (Jon's side of the story of course) when I've skimmed the article and found out how I too can lose all my belly fat in 12 min. I start checking out the gum and candy. I throw 2/$1 candy bars in the cart, a reward for Kayela and I for killing time and saving money, and then it's finally our turn to check out. I walk around the counter with my big old diaper bag and no baby when my obnoxious 5 year old yells " I saw you steal that candy, mommy!" I'm thinking YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! Now, here's the deal to anyone watching me take just about two hours to fill one cart of groceries and then to have a huge diaper bag and no baby and to top it off that I am in not the classiest of neighborhoods I probably looked like a person who may have a hidden agenda. I pull out my biggest mommy tactic and that is to yank the clarification out of the child so passerbyers don't misjudge me. So, I say to Kayela "I didn't steal the candy what do you mean?" Kayela says "I saw you!" I say "no, stealing is when you take something and you don't pay for it" she says "you did take it and you didn't pay for it" I realize now that the clerk is looking at me with condemning eyes and I have dug myself into a hole with my tactic. I finally jerk Kayela over to me by the arm (vulture death grip) and explain to her that if she opens her mouth before we get to the car again that she will definitely be regretting that decision. I proceed to show the clerk that my child meant she saw me sneak the candy not steal the candy and that I would never steal and how funny kids are that they get all mixed up and see the candy in the cart that's the candy she was talking about and on and on and on! Yes, I knew I looked shady! It was probably one of my more embarrassing moments as a mommy.

By the time we got to the car I was so fuming mad at Kayela! I told her that she should never be announcing things that she doesn't know about and that it could've been very bad had the store people thought I really stole. I told her that if it's IN the cart and I am in line to pay that I have not stolen a darn thing. I also told her that I had gotten a special candy for her and I to keep a secret since she was such a big helper to me. Yes, it was really embarrassing and then I recalled many embarrassing moments I have lived through and the amazing thing is that now, I can laugh at every one of them! (Even the time when Emma was about three and announced to the pastors wife that I wear little diapers because I still poop my pants.....luckily she knew exactly what Emma was talking about, but trust me it wasn't any less embarrassing)