I loved our visit with him and getting to see his personality shining. I loved every time his arms raised up to me in an attempt to get me to hold him.
I loved each grunt and grumble in his effort to communicate. I loved how he loves jumping and how he thinks he can run fast.
I loved his yawns when he was trying to convince us that he wasn't tired. I love how he approaches things stead fast and confident. I love how he smiles when he knows he's going to do something naughty.
I love how he took my napkin each time we ate so he could wipe his mouth and follow-up with a good nose blowing. I love how he gets absolutely out of control hyper just before he crashes into a deep slumber. I love how he works the crowd, flutters his great big eye lashes and says "uh-oh" when he throws something he shouldn't. I love how he smirks when he is trying not to smile for the camera.
I love how he out performs the grand prize winner of the "cutest baby contest" . I loved how he looked behind the computer when we Ichatted Josh thinking he'd be there. I love how he grunts "uh-uh" when he's pointing at something and you guess the wrong thing. I love how his eyes fill with tears when he's in a gut wrenching laugh.
I love how he tries to be brave when he is a bit nervous. I love how his whole face shows how sad he is. I love how he keeps a great poker face when strangers come to ooh and aah over him. But best of all...ya wanna know what I love best of all? I loved that when I picked him up from daycare on that very first day of that very first visit from the very last time I'd seen him and he heard my voice from across the room; he came running with his arms out, that's what I love most! After six months of not seeing me, he still knew that I was there for him and that I would pick him up when he came running and hold him and take in his baby smell and be in complete bliss and total awe of that sweet, sweet baby boy!
Then, for many more visits than I could have ever expected, we got to see our little man in action. We laughed and played and ran ourselves ragged pleasing his highness. We remembered how it was needing to be quiet for naps and remembering a diaper bag and folding up a stroller. We fought over who got to change diapers (only because it means alone time with the greatest one year old on the planet). Who got to hold him.
Who got to dress him and buckle his car seat and push his stroller and carry him and feed him and sit by him.
Yes, we each wanted our share of time with him, even though we all knew that in the end, no amount of time would be enough time for any of us.
Then a week ago today the dreaded time came for us to take him back to his house with his birth mommy who was anxiously waiting. Nothing could have prepared this momma for how hard it would be to say "see ya soon big guy" and to turn and walk out that door.
I held up until birth mom turned to my biggest girl and said "boy, your mama wont let those emotions out will she?" and I lost it. I can confidently say I lost it.....because this time I know! I know how long that drive feels when you're driving away from something so important. I know how long those days feel when you should be busy chasing down a rowdy boy but you're not. I know how missed his voice is. I know how big he gets. I know how much he grows and learns and experiences without us.
I know how wonderful his birth mom is at putting her pride aside and acknowledging that we loved her boy to the fullest and that's all she needs to know to want us to continue to be a part of his life. I know that I could be having him for special dates but I'm just too far away now. I know just way to much to be as calm as I was when I dropped him off in January.
Needless to say, when I pulled away from Denver last Wednesday morning I was torn. I wanted desperately to get back to the man I have leaned on for the past fifteen years of life. I wanted to be home, to the place where my life is waiting for me. Yet, I could not stop thinking "...another mile further from that special guy....and another.....and another......" until my vision of miles of highway was blurred under my sunglasses and I just wanted to turn around for one last squeeze and kiss and look.
Now, we are home and grateful for our time spent loving on our Tait. Tait, who will forever be our youngest child, even if he's not an official Hunt.
1 comment:
This brought tears to my eyes. It is very obvious how much Tait is loved and very much a part of your family.
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