What Luck, A Duck!

I used to read the kids this book called "What Luck, A Duck!" when they were younger. Basically, It's a book about this boy who is painting in his garage and he's really just not very good. Luckily for him this duck comes along and steps in his paint and low and behold, he now holds in his hands a masterpiece. It's not really a very good book but I liked it just because it rhymed and I'm a sucker for rhyming books. Tonight however we had a not so lucky encounter with a duck, but it is so freakin' hysterical that if I didn't share it, I'd be letting all of you down.

First of all Josh is out of town. I am beginning to think it would be in the best interest of our children if he would quit leaving me alone with them without his supervision, but I will discuss that with him later. Emma stayed home with the kids tonight while I attended Kindergarten back to school night. When I got home she had all the girls showered and waiting for me to do their hair (yes, I do their hair each evening to make my mornings run smoother). Because it was getting a little dark outside I hollered to my mom, who stayed with me last night to be some relief as I single parent this week, and asked her to be sure the dogs were in the house. Remember we live on land where we do have coyotes howling on our doorstep each night and I do not want a vet bill ...ur I mean, I love the dogs so much I am extremely anal about getting them in before the coyotes come out. I hear my mom hollering for P.D. and then I hear the kids start hollering for him. Kaidon starts yelling at him to come in and then Emma gets involved and starts trying to get him. Keep in mind, I am in the little girls bathroom doing hair while listening to the whole ordeal. Next thing I know I hear them talking about a duck. I know exactly what they are talking about because for the last couple of weeks we have had ducks visiting our ponds and I had seen them swimming several times while thinking to myself "it's good that P.D. is afraid to get in the water or he'd have those ducks dead by now" . Kaidon starts hollering and laughing saying "ahhh the duck! No, P.D.! come here! Get in the house! MOOOOMMMM! "I continue to do hair knowing that the kids I've raised are so intelligent that they will just naturally know to stay away from the wildlife and my mom is out there hollering for P.D. to get in the house too so I know they have adult supervision. I had a lot of faith..... until....Emma comes barelling through the house holding the collar of a muddy, wet, swamp smelling P.D.!

What happens next will both frighten you and leave you shaking your head in disbelief, I promise! I start telling Emma....ok, so I was screaming like a patient in a psycho ward but that is a minor detail in this story, a minor detail that really doesn't change the ending at all so just go with it! So, I was telling Emma to take the dog and put him in my shower quickly and DO NOT LET HIM GET ON MY BED!!!! Once he got in the shower (after getting him down off the bed twice and me finally taking over) I realize I need to be in there with him in order to get him clean. I jump in the shower (fully clothed....don't go there with me) and tell Kayela to hold the shower door closed so P.D. cannot escape while I hold the shower sprayer with one hand, his collar with another hand, the shampoo with another hand, help Kayela hold the door shut with my other hand, scrub every inch of P.D. with another hand, rinse him with my other hand, keep soap out of his eyes with my other hand and keep the water away from his ears with my other hand....you're getting the point right? It was chaos! What does Emma do? She takes pictures with her Iphone. (I would share the pictures she took but I didn't have a free hand to hold up my pants and therefore you'd be looking at things I am just not willing to share with blog readers at this time). What does Kayela do? She opens the shower door and lets the dog out! Once I got the soaking wet dog off my bed again I start to wonder why I haven't seen Kaidon or my mom yet since the whole purpose was to bring the dog in and he was clearly in the building.

That's when I hear it! I swear I hear my mom say "Kaidon, put the duck down" and I know right then and there that this is trouble with a capital "T"! Being the calm person that I am around wild creatures I quickly run to rescue my mom from whatever my son is doing with a duck. I follow their voices to the garage and come upon the scene: my mom holding a hockey stick, Kaidon in his tighty-whities and crocs, dog food (bait) all over the floor and they are both looking for something behind the refrigerator and freezer. My mom says "I told him to put the duck down, and he did, in the garage and now it's behind here" She jabs the hockey stick in the small opening and Kaidon is standing about 10 feet away looking at me shrugging his shoulders as if to say "oops!" I walk out closer to Kaidon and just about that time the duck peeks it's head out and I start uncontrollably screaming like I am being chased by a mass murderer! I swear I don't know what comes over me but as much as I tell myself I am going to be brave and calm, when the thing looks at me with beady eyes I can't help but want to curl up in a fetal position and suck my thumb! After I am done screaming Kaidon says "It's OK, Manny" ....huh? My mom says "who is Manny?" Kaidon says proudly "my pet duck" I say "we named it? We are NOT keeping that duck as a pet!" The whole time my mom is trying to get "Manny" out from behind the fridge and the whole time I shriek every time I see a feather or webbed foot peek out. "Grab it, Kaidon" my mom says each time "Manny" comes out from hiding and each time he chickens out. He then proceeds to tell us "it's scary!" WHAT?? Isn't this the kid who just picked a duck up out of the pond, named it "Manny" and plopped it down in my garage? Since it clearly didn't make sense we ask for clarification and Kaidon tells us "Manny's turned into a mad man!" I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard! The "pet" duck is now a mad man!

We never did get "Manny" out of the garage. No, actually, we were so preoccupied by the fact that Kaidon called him a "mad man" that somehow "Manny" escaped without a trace. I've searched high and low and no sign of him anywhere. I am ready though for the reappearance of "Mad Man Manny", I just know the thing is going to pop out when I least expect it and scare me to death!

Thanks to Emma, we did get a picture of Kaidon with Manny.....before he turned into a "mad man".