Realization
There are times in life when I have a certain plan in mind and yet I just can't seem to get everyone else to conform. For instance, vacations. When we go on vacation I have everything planned out to the minute. I know what we will be doing each day and exactly where we will be eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner (because I've made reservations far in advance to assure the plan will not be altered). I know when we will wake up, when we will go to sleep and what we will be wearing. When we are at Disney World I even plan out what rides and shows we will be doing in order and leave plenty of time the second day at each park in case we get off schedule on the first day. Josh refers to this as being a control freak, although I really just like to say that I'm a "planner". With seven kids this, for the most part, is a really great trait to bring into the mix. If I wasn't this way we'd look something more like a hurricane than a family of nine. Typically this "passion to plan" works out flawlessly and I pride myself on how smooth our life runs even with the burden...ur I mean ...blessing of seven kiddos. BUT (you knew the but was coming didn't you?) on some rare occasions.... few and far between... when other people are involved besides myself the "plan" does not go off without a hitch. No actually, sometimes it ends up being a total disaster! Not because of any other reason but that I do not know what is coming next and if I don't know what is coming next, than neither does anyone else (because Josh is organizationally challenged so I know he doesn't have a clue). We wouldn't from the outside look like we were fumbling like idiots but on the inside I just KNOW we are outside the plan and I'm totally out of (oh, shoot I cannot use the word control here) sync with the original plan. Like I said, when people aren't involved what I want to have happen is no problem, it just so happens that for the most part people are involved!

Not to beat a dead horse but in my recent "friend" situation I've come to a realization. (I'm assuming by all the inquiries on facebook, the phone and email that no one is tired of hearing about this!) A realization that no matter how much I plan things, other people have a plan too. I've been in turmoil surrounding this situation and (I'm admitting this out loud) feel absolutely out of control. My desire is to help my friend even with all the pushes against this. Unfortunately for me, I have come to the realization that this one is just really not up to me. No matter how much I do, if he isn't wanting my help, forgiveness, understanding, resources, etc. then I am just as good as an umbrella in a flash flood. All my effort would turn out to be meaningless and just a waste of every one's time. My "plan" to help and be someone he could turn to on a rough day and seeing that he continued to fight the battle he has ahead of him was clearly not his plan. Boy, what a hard reality for Josh to beat into my ....I mean...for me to finally realize on my own. Good that I have such a great hubby who stands behind me, encouraging me to see things for what they really are.