SHOCKING!!!

P.D. loves being the protector. I think in some ways he gets a thrill out of the fact that he makes people run in fear. Remember when you were a kid and you'd do things to make people flinch and you'd get to punch them? (OK, maybe that was just MY game) Well that is what stage P.D. is in right now. He thinks the flinch factor is exhilarating. He's a big lover and has the Boxer bend down perfectly, but any innocent passerby would never know that by his big bark and raised neck hair.

Everyday, people walk by our house and everyday P.D. lets them know who. exactly. is. the. boss! He stands tall and proud on our front or back porch scanning the distant horizon for any sign of life. When he spots it, he sends a low growl without ever opening his mouth. As his prey comes nearer he's bounding over soccer balls and sticks that adorn our lawn on most days and at his top speed races to greet the intruder with his loudest bark. Depending on the day and my mood, depends on how I handle the situation. Admittedly, I am a better parent than I am dog owner because it's hard to be consistent when their innocent eyes are not understanding what in god's name you are saying and why can't they attack the intruder?

What you have to understand is that we have an electric fence. Our whole property is lined with an invisible zone that P.D. dares not cross or he will be zapped. I know, I know it sounds horrible but we have no fence and in order to keep them safe, we are willing to torture them for the week of training so they learn how to stay within their boundaries. I understand that no one can see the fence but c'mon wouldn't you think that day after day of seeing a dog dart at you full speed and then stop abruptly at the same point would tell you that "gee, either the dog is really trained well and I don't need to panic or hmmm…they must have an invisible fence?". It would me! Some people are just not that observant though and so most days I am left to hollering out my front or back door reassurances that today at this moment is not going to be the moment they are losing their lives.

On days when I am feeling more social I will holler out to the passerby and say "oh, he won't get you!" and smile and wave. On days when I'm PMSing I pace around my house ranting things to myself under my breath like "f-ing people why do you insist on walking by everyday? If you can't walk for more than a block without picking up the rat you have on the end of the leash then I suggest you stay inside!". When I'm in my "getter done" mode I ignore the fact that my dog is disrupting the peace and am secretly grateful that the dog hair and wet paws are out of my house for even just a minute. Most days I double over in a fit of laughter at the sight of people who jog by and mumble profanities all the while intermittently shooing P.D. away. For some reason I get all pissed off though when people stop in front of the house and continue to yell "go home!" uuuummmm…he IS home…you're not, keep it moving you have a New Year's resolution to fulfill! On days like today when two walkers with their little doggy were happily walking by until P.D. rushed them from behind, I hide behind my curtains until they are gone and then I quietly call P.D. in and hold onto him until they are out of sight. Sometimes I'm feisty (imagine that!) and I will see people who are clearly dog lovers with their little foo foo all dressed up in sparkles and I say things like "don't worry about him he's got a REALLY powerful shock collar on that will drop him in no time if he crosses the boundary…have a good walk" they look in horror at me as they keep walking briskly by. Funny, those ones rarely walk by again!….OK, OK, I don't really do that last one but I seriously think about it! I'd love to see their "flinch" on that one!

So, right about now you are wondering why I don't just keep my guard dog from going outside right? Well, here's the kicker! Boxers are smart! Boxers are crafty! Boxers can open doors! Or at least mine can. So as I would love to keep him inside, I can't. He doesn't function like that. If he wants out, he goes! If he wants in, he comes. Yes, every type of door this guy can open up. Oh, lock it you say? Nope, he can pick the lock of any door. He was first trained to ring a hanging bell to go out, now he rings the bell and opens the door himself. I guess with 6 kids, he got tired of waiting. I'm pretty proud that I've raised such an independent dog. It's pretty amazing. I forget how unusual this is until people are over and want to see it again and again and again!

Anyway, I guess the neighbors are going to have to get used to this guy thinking he's tough. I wish they could see how proud he was when they left though, here is a peek at what I see once he's chased away the danger. He's getting ready to open the front door and share the good news with me: