Writers Block

So, it's been awhile since I've really blogged. It's not because I didn't have things to say, but instead because I didn't want to share the things that have been on my mind. I've been in a miserable state of "it's not fair!!" lately. Yes, like your typical 2-year old tantrum of "it's not fair!!!". Even though my mom was your typical "who ever told you life was fair?" kind of mom, I still revert back to my 2-year old self and want what I want! My mom had several other signature lines (one's I swore as a kid I'd never use and yet maybe just sometimes I slip up and use them on my kids because they are ingrained in the cells of my body) for instance when I'd say "I'm bored" she'd answer by saying "only boring people can get bored" or when I'd say "can I have...." she'd say "someday!"..........uhhhhh I'm still waiting for "someday" mom!!! Now, here I sit, still not understanding why life is not fair!!!

I know you know where I'm going with this. The whole: we loved our baby more than life, had dreams and plans and hope for his future. We were ready for him and waited for him and loved him before he was even in our arms. We saw and felt how "right" he was for us. The "perfect ending" to this family. Our last hoorah, our little man, our passion. I know you know how we felt when we lost him. Like: our world was shattered. Our fear of how the other kids would handle this pain, the loss and absence of Tait's presence. Realizing he was never really "our" baby. The anger surrounding the social services system and the confusing question that can never be answered, "who is the systems best interest for anyway?" I know the things I haven't shared but have felt to my core like: how can people still be laughing, we lost a baby! why are you reacting like it's not as hard since he was adopted instead of biological, we still lost our baby? If the flowers that just bloomed in your garden come up missing, it's only because I can't see this world as "pretty" right now. No, I don't care about all the milestones your baby is hitting and I don't care where you got his/her latest adorable outfit! ....... Yes, I know I've shared, thought, and felt these things until you don't want to hear and read about them anymore and yet......it's all I can think about to write. It's an official writers block.

Funny, how I can think of nothing to say and yet.....

Josh: Loves his job and although I practically throw up in my mouth every time he says it, daily he states "I love it here, this is the best thing we've ever done!" and nauseatingly I have to agree.

EmmaLeigh: Just had soccer try-outs and made one of the best competitive teams here for her age group.

Kaidon: Has found out that Tennis comes naturally to him and he spends more time practicing and playing than he does any other thing right now.

Mihya: Is still strumming away on her guitar and can harmonize with her daddy so well that often our home is filled with her beautiful happy voice. She is also thrilled that she was accepted into an all girls class for next year (a fit for such a princess as she).

Graysie: Just finished her season with swim team and much to our surprise backstroke was her best event and she even took second place at her last meet.

Mikael: Also, just finished the season of swim team and improved more than I could have ever imagined on the first day when he belly-flopped into the pool. He proved the saying "where there's a will, there's a way" because odds were definitely against him. He even took 4th in one event at his last meet and was full of pride!

Kayela: Can read and write like a 1st grader now that she is finished with Kindergarten:) Her vocabulary is still progressing at lightening speed much to our dismay.

As for me....I've signed up for nursing school and am thrilled to be starting another chapter in my life. I'm running like a hyena training for a marathon in December and I've read more books in two weeks than I have in the 3 months since we've moved here. I'm planning on doing my own "reviews" when I don't have my nose in the pages.

So, I guess I shouldn't have writer's block with so much to say but maybe when "someday" comes I will have more on my mind than losing the sweetest guy who completed this family.

SWAGGER WAGON

Imagine.....

all the fun Toyota would have with MY ride!!!

Enjoy!

Happy Mothers Day.....LATE!!!

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR MOTHER'S DAY GIFT

I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did!

Occupied!

First of all, thank you for all the book suggestions! Look at what I got:

I had so many suggestions and the variety was amazing! I ended up with a little of everything but honestly I did not get ALL the books on the list just yet. I left out a suggestion for the Emily Griffin books, but I am definitely planning on reading those too! The most suggested book I got was The Help (click to see the Synopsis) so I started reading that one last night. I have to say, it is starting out very good. Funny, how I just moved to the South and was hit with that New York Times best seller! Also, picked up South of Broad by a local author and it's all about my new city! Can't wait to read that one. Thanks Again for all your help, hope some of you check these out and end up with a new book that interests you.

Foto Friday #8

My whole gang on our front porch.

Also, a big thanks to every one who gave me book suggestions! I have a huge list to choose from now. I will post it for all to see soon, just in case you are looking for a good read!

SHOCKING!!!

P.D. loves being the protector. I think in some ways he gets a thrill out of the fact that he makes people run in fear. Remember when you were a kid and you'd do things to make people flinch and you'd get to punch them? (OK, maybe that was just MY game) Well that is what stage P.D. is in right now. He thinks the flinch factor is exhilarating. He's a big lover and has the Boxer bend down perfectly, but any innocent passerby would never know that by his big bark and raised neck hair.

Everyday, people walk by our house and everyday P.D. lets them know who. exactly. is. the. boss! He stands tall and proud on our front or back porch scanning the distant horizon for any sign of life. When he spots it, he sends a low growl without ever opening his mouth. As his prey comes nearer he's bounding over soccer balls and sticks that adorn our lawn on most days and at his top speed races to greet the intruder with his loudest bark. Depending on the day and my mood, depends on how I handle the situation. Admittedly, I am a better parent than I am dog owner because it's hard to be consistent when their innocent eyes are not understanding what in god's name you are saying and why can't they attack the intruder?

What you have to understand is that we have an electric fence. Our whole property is lined with an invisible zone that P.D. dares not cross or he will be zapped. I know, I know it sounds horrible but we have no fence and in order to keep them safe, we are willing to torture them for the week of training so they learn how to stay within their boundaries. I understand that no one can see the fence but c'mon wouldn't you think that day after day of seeing a dog dart at you full speed and then stop abruptly at the same point would tell you that "gee, either the dog is really trained well and I don't need to panic or hmmm…they must have an invisible fence?". It would me! Some people are just not that observant though and so most days I am left to hollering out my front or back door reassurances that today at this moment is not going to be the moment they are losing their lives.

On days when I am feeling more social I will holler out to the passerby and say "oh, he won't get you!" and smile and wave. On days when I'm PMSing I pace around my house ranting things to myself under my breath like "f-ing people why do you insist on walking by everyday? If you can't walk for more than a block without picking up the rat you have on the end of the leash then I suggest you stay inside!". When I'm in my "getter done" mode I ignore the fact that my dog is disrupting the peace and am secretly grateful that the dog hair and wet paws are out of my house for even just a minute. Most days I double over in a fit of laughter at the sight of people who jog by and mumble profanities all the while intermittently shooing P.D. away. For some reason I get all pissed off though when people stop in front of the house and continue to yell "go home!" uuuummmm…he IS home…you're not, keep it moving you have a New Year's resolution to fulfill! On days like today when two walkers with their little doggy were happily walking by until P.D. rushed them from behind, I hide behind my curtains until they are gone and then I quietly call P.D. in and hold onto him until they are out of sight. Sometimes I'm feisty (imagine that!) and I will see people who are clearly dog lovers with their little foo foo all dressed up in sparkles and I say things like "don't worry about him he's got a REALLY powerful shock collar on that will drop him in no time if he crosses the boundary…have a good walk" they look in horror at me as they keep walking briskly by. Funny, those ones rarely walk by again!….OK, OK, I don't really do that last one but I seriously think about it! I'd love to see their "flinch" on that one!

So, right about now you are wondering why I don't just keep my guard dog from going outside right? Well, here's the kicker! Boxers are smart! Boxers are crafty! Boxers can open doors! Or at least mine can. So as I would love to keep him inside, I can't. He doesn't function like that. If he wants out, he goes! If he wants in, he comes. Yes, every type of door this guy can open up. Oh, lock it you say? Nope, he can pick the lock of any door. He was first trained to ring a hanging bell to go out, now he rings the bell and opens the door himself. I guess with 6 kids, he got tired of waiting. I'm pretty proud that I've raised such an independent dog. It's pretty amazing. I forget how unusual this is until people are over and want to see it again and again and again!

Anyway, I guess the neighbors are going to have to get used to this guy thinking he's tough. I wish they could see how proud he was when they left though, here is a peek at what I see once he's chased away the danger. He's getting ready to open the front door and share the good news with me:

Phase II

I've now entered phase 2 of parenting. It's kind of like entering the twilight zone but a whole lot more scary, filled with much less predictable endings.

It all pretty much happened at the same time that we moved to SC. We lost our precious baby boy, and Kayela went from half days to full days. I am now being left for hours on end with no supervision kids to tote around. Something about the move also made everyone pull together and grow up much more quickly than I anticipated. It's so funny because I feel like my days are long and yet my years are short. Does that make sense at all? These kids are in routines and have spread their wings and I am left wondering where my screaming bipolar toddlers chubby dimpled hand toddlers are. I am realizing we are in Phase 2 of this whole parenting timeline. No more are the days when at the end I am still un-showered wondering where the time went and why my "to do" list has only gotten longer. I am liking this phase, it's just crazy how fast it has snuck up on me and I wish I could have told my phase 1 self to relax a little more and enjoy the chaos of it all.

Now that I've officially crossed into this new phase riddled with lots of down time followed up by too much togetherness, I need something to do! I need to read a good book that doesn't have anything to do with potty training, speech development and parenting the RAD child. I am a picky reader though so I like real life. I don't like romance (I have all the romance one girl needs at this point…puke…but true!) I could use a little self help I'm sure, but I live with the all time motivator of life so I'm pretty fulfilled there. I need a book I can sink into and devour and feel rejuvenated after reading it….and then I'll need another and another and another….you get the point right? So, please send me your book ideas. I don't care if you send them via facebook, or blog commenting or email or phone call…I'm just desperate and I need a few good books! If your grandmother sent you a book that you aren't going to have time to read give me the title I'll read it for you and give you an overview so you can thank her….at this point I am open to pretty much anything! Just get me a good book!

Until then, I will be wandering aimlessly throughout my house pretending like I have enough to do to keep me out of trouble occupied for 9 hours a day/5 days a week. OR…you can find me on facebook!

I AM NOT DEAD!

I know many of you think I am dead. Had it not been for my facebook updates you'd really be worried. Just to confirm......I am alive!

We always get extremely busy at this time of year. We are overloaded with plans for summer and thoughts of swimming pools, hiking, camping and now BEACHES!! It's no different this year, except that we live in a vacation hot spot and are witnessing all kinds of tourists on vacations that we so desperately are grasping at taking ourselves. Our weekends are filled with last minute school projects and honestly everything takes us about twice the amount of time to complete just because we are in the "lazy days of summer" mode. I am one of those crazy moms who loves her kids being at home. I look forward to school breaks and days off with as much anticipation as I look forward to Christmas.

This is also the time of year when all the sports seem to overlap. Right now the only one not participating in some form of activity is Kayela. That leaves Emma in soccer, Kaidon in tennis, Mihya in guitar, Graysie and Mikael on swim team, little time for mommy to breath, and the gas budget going up immensely! I love that they have their "thing" and I get to slow down and watch them excel. It helps me point out their uniqueness and focus on them individually, so I can't complain. Plus, they sleep really good which is always a bonus.

In the past couple of weeks we've had out of town guests (again!). Amanda, Graysie's birth mom, and her husband and kids came to visit for a week. We went to the strawberry festival, made strawberry jam, made more bows for our girls, dropped the ball on our blog, shopped, walked the Ravenel bridge and pretty much just hung out and visited. I will only speak for myself when saying that I stayed up way too late most nights and got up early so I was wiped out by the end of their visit. I hated that they had to go and the week seemed to go by too fast, always does when we have guests.

Kaidon has gotten spoiled by our new neighbors. He has adopted them as his second home and family. He loves their son, Ryan, and would be perfectly content to stay with them for eternity if we'd let him. He has been boating with them several times and comes home with some great stories. Actually, one day we were all in a depression because Kaidon was on their boat watching the blue angels! We were not! We thought about grounding him just because we were mad, but then we realized that would not help our pleas for him to spend time with us. Glad he has made friends, even more glad that they are great people!

Yesterday we all went boating with some friends. We had such a blast. Ironically, we drove to the boat ramp where we piled our giant family into the boat with coolers, towels, and anything else we'd need to survive the day and then proceeded to boat right past the front of our house. We don't have a dock so it's the only way to do it, but it just seemed a little strange when technically we should be able to be picked up at our front door. Maybe our neighbors across the street will let us hitch a ride from a friend every once in awhile at their boat dock? Wonder what it would take to work out that deal? I'll look into it and get back with all of you on that one. We had a blast on the tube and boat and to prove I am going to have another birthday and am not getting any younger, I am very sore. Josh however is not because he wouldn't dare be out of control on a tube.

Next up for us? My parents are coming to stay the week next Tuesday. It just happens to be my birthday (even at age 30-something my parents can't miss my birthday). It will be my dads first time to see the house and our surroundings. I'm thrilled to be "tour guide Ambyr" for the week again. The kids will still be in school so we will have plenty of time to do adult-exploring-touristy stuff before they come home and take all the attention away from me...Oh...I mean...get to spend time with their grandparents.

I'm planning to get the heck outta dodge in August. I've heard it's close to the temperature in hell here at that time so I am not wanting to subject myself to that one. I'll be spending as much of the month in Colorado as we can before school and sports start back up. I'm hoping to see everyone and taxi the kids all over town to get in as much friend time as possible. I say that now, but I'm not sure how long I'll survive without Josh so I'm leaving it an open-ended trip. It's one of the few benefits of taking the 27 hour drive across country with 6 kids.....we have the freedom to come and go as we please, no deadlines or flights to catch.