I'm not usually a complainer. As a matter of fact it's one of the things that drives me crazy about some people. Even my kids sometimes get in a "victim" mode and I have to snap them out of it! My most common used lines when they get into the complaint trap is "hey, no complaints!" or "change your attitude!", because I can only sit idly by for so long listening to that. With that said...I AM GOING TO COMPLAIN! (because this is my blog and I can do that if I want to!)
I am really patient with people and their silly questions about our kids. Everyday I get the same "are they all yours?" question in which I reply "yes!" happily and move on. I do get the small handful of occasions when people (particularly when we are going to the pool or museum where a "family" discount applies) when I get the questioning double take and scan across each of my children and I know in their minds they are thinking "whatever lady!" No big deal to me, I know the truth and so do my kids and therefore I can be very patient. I actually enjoy talking to people about our adoptions and sharing our good, bad and ugly times throughout the whole process. ...but....the thing that will set me off faster than anything is when I am registering the kids for school or activities and they ask for my adoption decree to "prove" these are my kids!
I know to any of you sitting here you are probably thinking "well, I have to show birth certificates proving I am who I say I am and have the authority to register my kids". The sad reality is, I have all that documentation too. Each of my kids has a birth certificate with me listed under "mother" and Josh listed as "father", so why the run around having to "prove" anything? The reason this has come up again, is clearly because I had to register the kids for school when we moved and because I needed another copy of Mikael and Kayelas social security cards. It took me two days at the social security office while waiting for over an hour one visit and then sitting with an employee for over an hour on the next visit. It is just insane to me! Why is this? It makes me think about a friend I used to work with. Her twin daughters are Graysie's age and have no idea they are adopted, and my friend has no intention of telling them. What does she do when the clerk is saying "Mam, I'm sorry, because these children are adopted you must bring proper documentation showing that you are indeed the parent!"? What does she do when she has repeatedly said "well, isn't the fact that I am the one listed on the birth certificate and here I am sitting in front of you with my passport, my driver's license and marriage certificate enough documentation?" Seriously...what does she do? What I typically do is question the reasoning. I never just hand it over, and it's not that I don't have it either! I just really want to know "why?". In the event of the social security cards the lady finally was giving me some run around answer in which I finally looked at her and said "you just don't know why either do you? No need to make things up, I've got it here for you, I was just hoping that maybe their was a good reason!". I am not trying to be difficult either. I really. just. don't. get it! Not once has anyone respected the fact that maybe my kids don't want to be labeled "the adopted" ones each time we try to register for something. Luckily, for our family, it is considered a privilege to be adopted (my biological kids used to get all sad because they only had one mommy! Mihya used to say "yes, but, who's my other mommy?"). The worst part for me is that I know if I was a dishonest person I could get away with not marking the boxes that say "check here if this child is adopted". I could pretend I didn't see it and sail by the process, but unfortunately for me I had parents who taught me to fear not playing by the rules (or is that fortunate?).
So, for us, I guess I will just need to continue to be frustrated. I guess for me I need to be grateful that when my children overhear an employee saying "because these children are adopted...." it's not the first time they are receiving the news. Maybe if I just hand over the adoption decree without always questioning "why?", it would be less painful for all of us (but would things change if people didn't question?) Besides, can you imagine what the process will be like when I go get them passports?
2 comments:
I thought you only have to show the decree for getting the SS card the first time (because it's a name change due to adoption...just like you show your marriage certificate). After that, why on earth do you have to show proof of anything?? Makes you want to take the little check box off that paperwork, huh?
After telling another mother at the park that my two are 4 months apart and then saying we adopted and had biological, she asked me if we plan to have more of our own children. I HATE that more than anything. Charlotte is my own. I don't know if we'll have more children and I don't know how we'll do it, but they would all definitely be my own.
Right, I had the lady at the SS office say "Now are THESE two brother and sister because they look alike!" I had to say "well, they are all brother and sister!" People just are ignorant when it comes to being PC about adoption. I usually don't mind because I figure who better to teach them about it than me, but when it seems so backwards I just can't help but get feisty:)
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