Josh and I have talked a lot lately about me finding a passion. We've talked about how important it would be for me in dealing with our suddenly quiet house in a suddenly foreign city. We've talked about things that I enjoy doing and the things I am naturally talented at. We've talked about trying new things that may spark a passion. We've talked about people we know who claim they've found their passion. Long story short, we've talked many hours about passion....and yet, I'm still not all that clear on what "passion" really is to be quite honest with you.
The person fighting for women's rights, is this passion or an activist?
The person wanting justice for her child, is this passion or revenge?
The person punching the clock fifty plus hours a week, passion or a work-a-holic?
The person growing his 401k, passion or greed?
The person always wanting more, passion or not content?
The person who loves college sports, passion or couch potato?
The person who exercises daily, passion or insecure?
The person who loves purses and shoes, passion or over indulgent?
The person who stays home with her children, passion or over protective?
The person who wants everything organized, passion or obsessive?
The person who is a faithful servant, passion or legalistic?
The person who strives to be the best at their career, passion or seeking recognition?
As you can see here sometimes what others think my passion may be is so far off that it's comical. Sometimes how others view what I am doing can seem like passion and yet it's really just duty or obligation or expectations and not passion at all. I got this letter from Mihya just two days ago:
It sparked a few chords for me. First of all, what a sweet girl to say she "appreciates" me and second of all I realized that this "passion seeking" is something that I can only do for myself. I can not rely on anyone else to find me a passion and I can't rely on anyone else to judge if what I have found is truly a passion. (This may be an inappropriate time to mention this, and yet I feel it necessary to say that I am so going to start complaining more about all the cleaning I do because clearly no one understands that I DO NOT ENJOY IT!!). If it was up to my family I think they'd stamp "approved" on all my cleaning, call it a passion and be done with it!
Just this past weekend I met someone who I think has true passion. This guy was the epitome of passion! This guy spit when he talked and had a skip in his step (thank you Josh for that quote) when anyone mentioned what he was passionate about. He met each person who was not familiar with his passion with extreme excitement and a true desire to teach them everything you would ever need to know about his passion. He had a story to tell. A history to recall. Real joy when he spoke of his passion. I'm sure by now you are thinking OK,OK get on with it...what was his passion? His passion..... is peanuts! Yep, you've got that right, peanuts! I know you probably are trying not to laugh right now, and that's alright because guess what? He probably wouldn't even notice because his passion is so prevalent in his life that he is blind to anyone else who doesn't see it. This guy stands on the side of the road and is passionate about selling boiled peanuts. If you have not been educated on boiled peanuts, I will give you his website and his facebook (we got them last weekend) and you will be ignorant no more. At first glance you'd think this guy was a nut job (get it? haha! nut job! haha....OK, sorry) but the reality is, you have to admire the person who has so much passion they are exuding it.
With all of that said, I am now on a path to find my passion.(...do you seek out a passion or just stumble upon it?) to find something I am so excited and good at that I pour out so much energy into it, and in the end am only energized by the effort I put forth. I'm beginning to realize that my passion may be judged poorly by others and yet, I too will end up blind to the ridicule because my passion overshadows their negativity and persecution. Maybe people can say I'm not coping well or that losing Tait has sent me off the deep end or that I'm selfish or compulsive or obsessive or lazy or over protective or not content or anything else people say when someone dives head first into something they are passionate about. Maybe they'll say it, but guess what I think I'm realizing? I think I'm realizing that only I will know for sure when I have found my passion and only I can find true happiness within that passion. Until then...I'll be cleaning!
3 comments:
I think passion is something you truly value and don't do for anyone other than yourself. For example, I do extremely well in my career but I am NOT passionate about it at all. I do well for the money and recognition from others.
Learning and reading? I value learning to my core and my love for reading has come from that. I am passionate about both. I got into photography because I want to learn something new. Same reason I did crafts and blogging.
My question to you, is what do you value most (besides the obvious answer of your children and husband)? What makes you wake up every day (something just for you, not for your family or husband)?
If you know what you value, you will find a passion very easily.
I think I'm in a similar boat as you are right now. We're finally talking about making the full transistion of moving to Houston - we're house shopping. This means that I probably won't work at Frontier for that much longer. Which, of course, means that I have to figure out something ELSE to do with my life. And that's easier said than done. I have to figure out what I want to do when I grow up!
Don't be is such a rush to grow up! In due time. Remember, even though your kiddies are in school, they will still need you. It is when your kiddies are in College that you may need to grow up, such as myself. I think your passion will be discovered as new opportunities and experiences come your way. Don't think so hard. It will come. xo
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